Okay, just ’cause I’ve quit reading DC’s “Brightest Day” miniseries doesn’t mean I’m gonna quit making fun of it. Especially when they release previews of the next issue that have this much wrong with it.

First, there’s the cover. The Black Lantern version of Firestorm is on it, and the alternate cover features the Black Lantern versions of Hawkman and Hawkgirl. Even DC’s preview blurb points this out: “If this is the BRIGHTEST DAY then what is Black Lantern Firestorm doing on our cover?!”

Yeah, DC, other people are asking that, too. But we’re not really seeing it as a reason to buy the comic. We’re seeing it as a reason to ask what the heck is wrong with DC.

“Blackest Night” is over. It was a successful series. I’d even say it was a good series — one of the best comic crossovers we’ve seen in years. But it’s finished and done with. And when you keep going back to that well over and over and over, people have a right to ask if you’ve got any other ideas you can offer, or if your creativity is completely tapped out.

As for the preview itself, it focuses on Hawkman and Hawkgirl, who have discovered that Hath-Set — an ancient enemy whose spirit possesses his descendants as he eternally seeks to ambush and kill the Hawks whenever they reincarnate — has been collecting the bones of their predecessors in order to build some kind of magical gateway. Hawkgirl wants to destroy the gateway so they can get back to their lives; Hawkman wants to go through the gateway, find Hath-Set, and kill him before he can kill them again.

Well, here’s the thing — Hawkgirl’s idea makes a lot more sense. Because Hawkman’s idea is just entirely stupid. How do you kill a spirit? I’m pretty sure you can’t do it by hitting it with a mace. And even if he manages to kill Hath-Set’s current host body (great job killing the innocent possessed victim, Hawkdork), he’s still left with the problem of Hath-Set’s spirit possessing yet another person and trying to kill the Hawks. So yeah, there’s no reason not to wreck the gateway like Hawkgirl said — that’s the kind of chore that a mace is perfect for anyway — then dispose of the bones so Hath-Set can’t use ’em again.

But here’s the bit that really bugs me about this preview. In a situation where Hawkgirl has all the smart ideas and Hawkman’s argument is basically “ME AM MAN, ME WANNA KILL MAGIC SPIRIT,” Hawkgirl finally responds with these words:

“If that’s your final decision then I’ll stand by it just as I’ve always stood by you.”

Shorter Hawkgirl: “Whatever you say, dear.”

Alternate slightly longer Shorter Hawkgirl: “You’re the man, and I’m just a dumb girl, so we’ll do whatever you want. Tee hee!”

So in addition to DC sidelining or killing off most of their non-white characters, I can now add “lazy and alarmingly dumb Barbie-doll anti-feminism” to the list of reasons why DC makes me want to kick the crap out of comics publishers.

Here ya go, DC Comics, Geoff Johns, and Dan DiDio — this song is for — and about — you.

Before I get into today’s reviews, I got a few local comics-related links I wanna throw at you.

• First, if you haven’t visited Star Comics’ website in a while, you may have missed that they’re doing some podcasting now — specifically, the new “Nerd Alert!” podcasts.
• Second, self-proclaimed Nerd Bully Todd Gray has started his own local comics blog, Fanboy Fun, with tons of reviews and occasional cemetery spookiness.
• Third, if any of y’all are on Facebook, you can find the Hero Sandwich Facebook page right over here.
• And finally, a non-local comics link: Cole’s Comics is a blog focusing on the artwork of Jack Cole, creator of Plastic Man and one of the greatest cartoonists of the Golden Age (or come to think of it, any age). Go check it out.

And now: Reviews!

The Atom and Hawkman #46

As part of the “Blackest Night” crossover, DC is temporarily reanimating old cancelled comics. This issue focuses on Ray Palmer, the Atom, in his new role as a member of the Indigo Tribe, powered by compassion. He battles the zombified Hawkman, Hawkgirl, and Jean Loring, and is appointed to guard Indigo-1 while she summons the rest of the Indigo Tribe so they can start teleporting all of the various Lantern Corps to Earth. We also learn something about the powers of the Indigo power rings — they can capable of channeling any of the other power rings’ abilities if a user of one of them is nearby. Indigo-1 pukes blood like a Red Lantern when she gets mad, and Ray calls up the power of Larfleeze’s Orange Lantern ring while demanding that he wants his friends back. But when Jean shrinks herself into Indigo-1’s ring to attack her, will Ray be able to stop her in time?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Very well-written and beautifully illustrated. Loved the new details about how the Indigo rings work, loved the flashbacks to Ray’s previous life, loved the way Ray’s Indigo Tribe costume ends up calling back to his sword-and-sorcery adventures among the tiny aliens in the Amazon rain forest. And I loved the ending, too.

The Phantom Stranger #42

And another revived “Blackest Night” crossover issue. The Phantom Stranger and Blue Devil try to stop the Godzilla-sized Black Lantern Spectre, to more or less no effect, but he takes off when he senses where Hal Jordan is. The Stranger and the Devil turn their attention to the opened grave of Boston Brand — a.k.a. Deadman. They soon track him to his old Himalayan stomping grounds at Nanda Parbat, where he’s trying to stop a bunch of Black Lantern zombies by possessing them with his ghostly form. Unfortunately, possessing zombies tends to mess up Brand’s mind, and the Stranger has to break him out of his spell. That still leaves the problem of Brand’s long-dead skeletal body, which is being operated by one of the black rings. The key to saving Nanda Parbat is to get Deadman’s body and spirit re-united long enough to slip through the city’s mystic shield — but Deadman has previously been unable to possess his old body. Can he do it now?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Not the best of these crossovers, as there’s a bit too much jumping around from one place to another. But it moves the larger story forward, and the Phantom Stranger always has been one of my favorite of DC’s mysterious mystic characters.