I’m bored. Booooored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.

And irritated. Just about all of DC’s covers last week looked like somebody ate a bunch of paint in primary colors, then barfed all over the paper. Just loud, loud, clashing, awful covers.

What’s this all about? I’m tired of looking at this horrible, horrible cover for Green Lantern #38. I wanna get it off my desk, but the cover depresses and irritates me enough that I don’t want to review it yet. But I’ve got nothing else of interest to talk about yet. So it’s gotta be a GL review.

But I gotta make it fun for me somehow, right? So. Today’s review of Green Lantern #38 will be in 100%…

…Pig Latin.

Een-Gray Antern-Lay Umber-Nay Irty-Thay Eight-Ay

Ell-Way, Arol-Cay Erris-Fay is-ay ining-pay or-fay Al-Hay Ordan-Jay, ut-bay e’s-hay ot-gay a-ay ew-nay illy-fay amed-nay Owgirl-Cay. Oh-ay, at’s-whay a-ay illionaire-may aviatrix-ay upposed-say o-tay o-day en-whay er-hay eart-hay as-hay een-bay oken-bray? Ell-Way, I-ay ess-guay e-shay ould-cay oin-jay up-ay ith-way e-thay Iolet-Vay Anterns-Vay — etter-bay own-knay as-ay e-thay Ar-Stay Apphires-Say. At-Thay always-ay orks-way out-ay eat-gray or-fay Arol-Cay, ight-ray? And-ay it-ay ets-gay er-hay in-ay e-thay idiculously-ray impy-skay Ar-Stay Apphires-Say ostume-cay.

Eanwhile-May, Al-Hay Ordan-Jay as-hay ost-lay is-hay emper-tay and-ay oined-jay e-thay ood-blay uking-pay Ed-Ray Anterns-Lay ile-whay e-hay ies-tray o-tay ill-kay Inestro-Say. E-Thay Ue-Blay Anterns-Lay ower-pay ings-ray ave-hay it-quay orking-way, ecause-bay ey-thay actually-ay equire-ray a-ay unctioning-fay Een-Gray Antern-Lay ing-ray o-tay ork-way. O-Say Aint-Say Alker-Way eleases-ray Ordan-Jay y-bay orcing-fay a-ay Ue-Blay Antern-Lay ing-ray onto-ay is-hay inger-fay, eaving-lay Al-Hay ith-way a-ay ulticolored-may ostume-cay. Elsewhere-ay, e-thay Ontrollers-Cay are-ay earching-ay or-fay e-thay Orange-Ay Antern-Lay of-ay Avarice-ay, ut-bay e-thay ole-say ossessor-pay oesn’t-day ant-way o-tay ive-gay it-ay up-ay.

Erdict-Vay: Umbs-Thay Own-Day. E-Thay ew-fay ool-cay its-bay (ike-lay Ordan’s-Jay een-gray/ue-blay/ed-ray ostume-cay) are-ay owned-dray out-ay y-bay e-thay estering-fay ounds-may of-ay onfusing-cay ap-cray iled-pay igh-hay around-ay e-thay est-ray of-ay e-thay ory-stay. Ease-Play urry-hay, Ack-Blay Anterns-Lay, and-ay ill-kay off-ay all-ay ese-thay incompoops-nay!

Pff. Glad that’s over. Next time I get the bright idea to try something like that again, just remind me to post a YouTube video of sci-fi theme songs performed with Tesla coils instead. It’s a lot less irritating for everyone.