Happy Independence Day!

Well, according to my calendar, the United States is now… (consults almanac, punches numbers into calculator, counts fingers)… really, really old. Definitely old enough to buy beer, cigarettes, and porn. WAY TO GO, AMERICA!

Now let’s celebrate in a much more age-appropriate manner.

And I’d like to remind y’all in Lubbock and anywhere else across the Southwest not to blow up fireworks this year. It’s too dadgummed hot and dry, and you’ll start a fire. So just skip the firecrackers, seriously.

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