I was digging through some of my newer comics a few weeks back, and it occurred to me that I had some good comics, some cool comics, a growing number of not-really-very-good-at-all comics, and not very many comics that I could really classify as AWESOME. And to be honest, I realized that was a problem not just with comics, but with almost everything. It’s a big beautiful world out there, but sometimes, it sure is tough to find stuff that blows your brain out the top of your skull, makes choirs of angels forget to sing, and just leaves you screaming “That was AWESOME!”

So let’s start off a semi-occasional series, for whenever I’m too bored to post anything else, focusing on stuff that’s just awesome. Nothing in-depth, nothing complicated, no thoughtful and wise think-pieces here. Awesome is its own reward.

Today, we’ll start off with one of the core members of the Awesome Community: Ninja!

If you want to learn the real, cold facts about ninja, you should read this page and take careful notes. If you want to learn that the purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people, you should read this page… WHILE SCREAMING!

(Quick mid-blog quiz: Can you find the four ninjas in the picture above? Be careful not to guess wrong or the ninja hiding in your room will cut you down like a dog!)

Ninjas are so awesome that they will sometimes just bust out an inflatable guitar and provide themselves with guitar solos, just because they often kill unworthy rock bands that try to give them guitar solos.

In conclusion, even these ninjas are pretty awesome. Oooh, who’s the snugglicious widdle ninja-pookins! Ow, where’d all these shuriken come from?!

 

Click here to read the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages.

Background: Weirdo freak gets on a webforum on guns and pretends he’s (A) a mall cop and (B) armed to the teeth. Because he’s Special Forces. And a ninja. And because he saved both the mayor’s nephew and the local SWAT team. Never has overwhelming ignorance been combined so perfectly with embarrassing overcompensation issues. An excerpt:

I am in a high-risk job. It is not the Mall of America, but Ill tell you what its no podunk mall either.I am a responsible citizen who has made the choice to carry at all times. I defend others. If something happens at the Mall then I would be the hero, not those of you who are making fun of me for no reason. Yes Im not a Green Beret but guess what neither are you and unlike you I have to face unruly shoppers every day.My REAL problem is that, like any LEO, I have enemies because of my job. They may have access to high-powered rifles. My job starts and ends at the same time every day. Although I use four rotating routes to drive to and from work, I am still vulnerable during the walk to and from my car. This is the time that I load up on the trauma plates because I DO NOT WANT TO BE SHOT DEAD!Also, someone said that my Tac Team doesn’t get training. Not true. We meet at the range every night and shoot 400 rounds each through weapons that closely resemble our duty setup. We also practice unarmed combat. I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. I don’t think any of you are working as hard as I am to be prepared. I asked a serious question about tactical armor and I wanted a serious response. If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God.

Go read the whole thing. You don’t even have to know that much about ninjas or weaponry to catch all this guy’s idiocy. It’s hilarious.

(Via, almost simultaneously, Teresa Nielsen Hayden and Neil Gaiman)