Captain Britain and MI-13 #14

Last issue, Dracula killed everyone. This issue, he realized that it was just too blasted easy — he’d been trapped in the demon Plotka’s magical room of wishes that gives the illusion of the perfect life. So MI-13 is still alive, and the vampires haven’t achieved their victory yet. In fact, they’re way, way far off from victory, because the Brits now know Dracula’s plans, they’ve got ringers aboard the vampires’ ships, and Spitfire hasn’t actually been mentally dominated. British forces wreck the vampires’ ships and deal some heavy losses, but the vampires aren’t finished yet. Dracula still has Faiza Hussein’s father, and Dr. Doom has just given him Meggan, Captain Britain’s ex-wife, who now calls herself Gloriana.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Great action, great characterizations, a great resolution to last issue’s cliffhanger. Just one more issue of this series left, so hold on to yer hats.

JSA vs. Kobra #1

The international nihilistic terrorism organization Kobra makes a few first strikes against the Justice Society and against Checkmate, the international espionage outfit. Unhappy with Kobra’s continuing existence, the JSA decides to strike back, capturing and interrogating a number of Kobra agents. Kobra makes an attack on a church that draws out the Justice Society, but it may have all been a false-flag attack.

Verdict: Ehh, I dunno. Doesn’t seem that bad, but is this really something we need a miniseries for? I’ll reserve judgment for an issue or two.

Batman and Robin #1

Grant Morrison is the writer. Frank Quitely does the art. The two guys behind “All-Star Superman.” Like you need any other excuses to buy this one, right?

Unlike “All-Star Supes,” this one is going to be in-continuity — so that means that, after the recent “Battle for the Cowl” series, Batman is Dick Grayson (former Robin, former Nightwing) and Robin is Damian Wayne (Batman’s son by Talia al Ghul). It’s a shaky partnership — Dick was raised by a superhero, Damian was raised by supervillains and assassins — and Damian thinks he’d be a better Batman than Dick is. Damian is also rude to Alfred and unstoppably arrogant. Damian is really a bit of a, um, word-they-don’t-want-me-to-use-here.

So Batman and Robin capture a frog-faced criminal called Mr. Toad, who is transporting a briefcase filled with an unlikely number of dominoes. Toad is apparently waiting for the arrival of someone named Pyg, who seems to have a talent for horrific medical disfigurement and mental enslavement.

Verdict: Thumbs up. A good first issue, and a nice introduction to the new Batus-quo. Good dialogue, excellent art. Loved Damian’s rotten attitude. Not much happening yet, though, and I want to see some of Morrison’s trademark mind-blowing pretty darn quick.

Justice Society of America #27

Obsidian is holding Flash, Green Lantern, Wildcat, and Liberty Belle in the JSA headquarters, because he senses danger to them. And Hourman has had a one-hour-into-the-future prophetic flashes that says they’re all going to be killed. Stargirl gets possessed by evil spirits that use her cosmic staff to force Obsidian out of the building. The spirits then coalesce into a WWII-era Japanese shapeshifter named Kung, who transports Flash, GL, Wildcat, Liberty Belle, and Hourman to Hiroshima 1945 so they can all be killed by the atomic bomb.

Verdict: Thumbs up. A bit of a weird story so far, but fill-in writer/artist Jerry Ordway seems to have a good grasp of the characters, and that goes a long way.

Captain Britain and MI-13 #13

In the newest depressing comic book news, this is the latest outstanding comic to end up on the chopping block. Its last issue is going to be #15.

As for our story: The vampires have destroyed the artifact that keeps the vampires out of Britain. Norman Osborn calls MI-13 to tell them he can’t help, and the Scarlet Witch calls to tell them that the UK has been magically cut off from the rest of the world — people can get out of the country, but an impenetrable forcefield keeps everyone else out. Dracula finally converts Spitfire to evil. And after that, everyone gets killed, and the vampires conquer England.

Verdict: Thumbs up. An absolutely outstanding cliffhanger.

Justice Society of America #26

It’s the last issue with Geoff Johns writing the comic, which he’s done for almost a decade. There’s not a ton of action in this one — most of the focus is on Stargirl’s surprise birthday party, attended by most of the JSA. It’s a very cute slice-of-life issue, with some nice bits with Starman’s inability to understand the concept of birthday presents, the Wildcats hanging out and enjoying each other’s company, a bunch of superheroes roaming around a grocery store, Courtney’s little brother being a pain in the neck, and Green Lantern wearing a silly party hat.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Yes, I know, I’m a sucker for “a day in the life” stories. But I love the nice bits of personality and characterization that get tossed in here — Starman pays for drinks at a kid’s lemonade stand with a combination of C-notes and grocery coupons, Wildcat Sr. is amusingly gruff and loving, Jakeem Thunder, who hasn’t had a lot to do lately, gets a great two-page spread to chat with Courtney. And Stargirl goes to the dentist to get her braces off! Altogether, just a fun little farewell from Geoff Johns to Stargirl, who is probably his favorite character.

Justice Society of America #25

What. A. Train wreck.

Evil Pink-Ponytailed Mary Marvel gets unpowered Billy Batson to say her name, thus turning him into, I dunno, Evil Captain Marvel Junior? Evil Black Adam Junior? Evil Mary Marvel Junior? I don’t know, but he’s evil and stuff. Isis, meanwhile, has turned into a total mass-murdering villain. Atom Smasher turns in the most overwrought, hackneyed and ridiculous narration ever. Flash and Billy Batson’s father go to a place called the Rock of Finality, which is basically the Evil Rock of Eternity, where the Seven Sacred Virtues of Man are chained up and where the wizard Shazam has been turned into a stone statue. Black Adam finally turns on his crazy “family” and helps free Shazam, who repays the Marvel Family and the Black Marvel Family alike by taking their powers away and turning Teth-Adam and Adrianna Tomaz into statues. As for the rest of the Justice Society, everyone decides that everyone gets to remain on the team, which is the lone bright spot for this comic.

Verdict: Thumbs down. This was absolute garbage. I figured they’d try to hit the reset button on the Marvel Family, after the disastrously awful way DC has treated the characters over the past few years, but I never imagined they’d actually go and make the situation even worse. The explanation that “Black Adam’s powers are inherently corrupting” is insultingly simple-minded, and Shazam’s harsh treatment of everyone suggests that Geoff Johns has a spectacularly poor grasp of the character. The whole thing is just a complete embarrassment.

Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam! #4

In the latest issue of Mike Kunkel‘s all-ages take on the Captain Marvel mythos, it’s Captain Marvel and Mary Marvel vs. Black Adam and the Seven Deadly Sins of Man. Unfortunately, Cap and Adam find themselves completely unable to harm each other. Forced to adopt a very complicated strategy, Billy and Mary use their magic lightning to defeat all the Sins but Selfishness, then convince Adam to go to the Rock of Eternity to drain the power of the imprisoned Sins. This leads to Adam and Selfishness battling for the Sins’ power, giving Billy the edge he needs to take them both down.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Nice, cute, and funny. Billy’s tactics are a bit byzantine, but still pretty entertaining.

Pfyew. Some of the comics I got last week have previously been pretty good, and created by writers with excellent reputations, but they still just absolutely stunk on toast. Let’s roll out the manure wagon…

Justice Society of America #24

Billy Batson has lost his powers as Captain Marvel and can no longer get to the Rock of Eternity. He enlists the JSA’s help so they can help him take care of Black Adam and Isis. They’re able to use Alan Scott’s Green Lantern ring to get to Billy’s Magic Subway Train to Magic Mountain, while Billy tells the story of how Black Adam killed his parents and how his ghost daddy helped him get his powers. Isis throws Billy into the magic mists outside the Rock of Eternity; Flash saves him but is himself lost. Mary Marvel shows up, and she’s still Crazy-Pink-Pigtails-Evil-Girl. Finally, Flash gets rescued by Billy’s ghost daddy so they can go somewhere called the “Rock of Finality.”

Verdict: Thumbs down. Okay, I know this is all an attempt to push the reset button, turn Mary normal again, get Billy back in his usual red Captain Marvel togs, and install Billy’s dad as the new Wizard Shazam, but this is just painfully bad stuff. Geoff Johns should be embarrassed that he wrote something this idiotic.

Wonder Woman #29

Everyone’s gotten their butts stomped by Genocide. Donna Troy’s gone nuts. Dr. Psycho is controlling Sgt. Steel. The Argonauts are attacking battleships. Cheetah attacks Wonder Woman, Zeus kills Milohai, Wonder Woman’s new patron god, and Genocide has kidnapped Etta Candy.

Verdict: Thumbs down. This is the worst comic I’ve read in ages. Even the giant squid the Argonauts bring along can’t save it. Gail Simone is supposed to be better than this.

Before I get too far, I’d like to point out that “Being Human” — the BBC horror/dramedy I wrote about a couple of days ago — is going to be aired sometime this year on BBC America. Probably won’t mean much to me, ’cause I can’t afford cable, but for those of you who can get BBC America, you’ll be able to see this show. (Of course, it seems likely that we’ll be able to get some episodes through iTunes, too.)

And in news of “When Nerds Go Bad,” here’s an article about a guy who robbed a convenience store with a Klingon sword.

Okay, let’s get a few reviews out of the way, oy?

The Umbrella Academy: Dallas #3

The Seance has been captured by cartoon-headed super-assassins Hazel and Cha-Cha but he manages to psychically communicate with Spaceboy, who finally gets his fat butt off the couch. Unfortunately, Seance still gets killed anyway. Then he meets God, who’s a cowboy. He’s a fairly dim cowboy, actually. And though he doesn’t much like Seance, he knows the Devil won’t like him either, so he returns him to life. Meanwhile, Number Five tells Rumor about the time he spent in the future as an elderly, cybernetically- and genetically-enhanced time-assassin.

Verdict: Thumbs up. I’m still amazed that this series has been so good and so fun. Seriously, first time I heard of it, I figured it’d just be a little vanity project for the singer from My Chemical Romance. Lo and behold, Gerard Way is actually one heck of a writer!

Justice Society of America #23

Who’s leaving, who’s coming back? Well, Hawkman’s gotten kicked out. Good. Weird shirtless, crabby, winged, mace weirdo. Amazing-Man and Citizen Steel are out. Boo! They were both cool. Magog’s out, Lightning is in, Wildcat Junior is in, Cyclone is in, Damage is in, and Atom-Smasher wants back in. The main part of the story focuses on Black Adam and Isis, and it’s creepy. Isis has been held prisoner by Felix Faust, and he’s used a spell to make her unable to move. Nothing specific or concrete is shown, but it’s very heavily implied that Faust has been raping her. Like, for months. Black Adam tracks them down, frees Isis, and knocks Faust around a little, then it’s (again) implied that Isis, um, tears his manly bits off. And she wants revenge on the whole world, so she and Black Adam break into the Rock of Eternity, beat the stuffing out of Billy Batson in his grey-haired wizard Captain Marvel phase, and take away his powers.

Verdict: I’m gonna thumbs-down this one. There’s way too much rape and junk-ripping in more adult-oriented comics without dragging it into the Justice Society’s book. Could the same result (Isis wanting revenge on the world and attacking Captain Marvel) have been accomplished without pointlessly and gratuitously subjecting more characters to rape and torture? Oh, you betcha.

Wonder Woman #28

An injured Wonder Woman mobilizes her Gorilla City allies, Nemesis, Wonder Girl, and Donna Troy in the fight against Genocide. Much hitting occurs. Much, much hitting. Mixed with some angst. But mostly hitting.

Verdict: Thumbs down. Bored now.

Justice Society of America #22

The mask is off — Gog is seriously bad news. And the gloves are off — the entire Justice Society, including Gog’s former supporters, come together to put some serious hurt on the gigantic god. They even lop his head off! Not that he gets killed by that, but it does give the Kingdom Come Superman and Starman a chance to take Gog’s head to the “Source Wall” where the other gods of the Third World are entombed. You’d think that would be the end of the story, but Supes has Starman return him to his home dimension, where the rest of the “Kingdom Come” series plays out to its conclusion… and beyond, as we get some quick glances into the next thousand years of Superman’s story.

Verdict: Thumbs up. This was a really excellent conclusion to an extremely long storyarc. I think it should’ve been a great deal shorter, but I certainly can’t fault the ending. We also get some pretty Alex Ross art for the scenes set on “Earth-22”. And yes, the Justice Society gets to appear, too, and they have a lot of good story beats here as well. All around, a very, very good issue.

Top 10: Season Two #3

Lt. Peregrine’s husband goes off on an “origin weekend” — think of it as a “Promise Keepers” con-game for roleplaying super-people — and gets a lot more than he bargained for. The formerly hypercompetent Sung Li runs into serious trouble against the Red Ring Gang. And Duane Bodine and Pete Cheney barely manage to stop a wizard handing out magic words to superpowered stooges, but something weird happens to Cheney afterwards.

Verdict: Thumbs up. On one hand, I’m not real thrilled with the new emphasis on Peregrine’s husband, but the rest of this is really extremely awesome. Cheney is the same old dimwit, Sung Li is facing entirely unexpected challenges, Bodine is still the best and most level-headed cop on the force. And please pay special attention to the buffet at the origin weekend — funniest food jokes you’ll ever see in a police procedural comic.

Wonder Woman #27

Well, Wonder Woman has gotten completely stomped by the man-made god called Genocide — and she’s taken the Lasso of Truth, which she has the Secret Society surgically implant within her, making her even more powerful. Meanwhile, Sarge Steel has gone murderously insane, and the gods of Olympus have returned, which doesn’t mean anything good for the remaining Amazons.

Verdict: Ehh, not great, but not awful either. Genocide is an interesting opponent for Wondy, but Diana spends the entire issue moping around and looking defeated, which just isn’t a good look for her.

Atomic Robo: Dogs of War #5

The conculsion of this story starts out with Robo getting captured by the Nazis and turned into a power source for their newest super-weapon. He gets rescued by a Scottish commando with an outrageous accent, but has to spend the rest of the issue legless and later down another hand. Can Robo and the scotsman put an end to Skorzeny’s evil schemes?

Verdict: I’m gonna give it a thumbs down. The conclusion just felt a bit flat. And the scotsman was an interesting and amusing character, but this series felt a bit like the creators were throwing a bunch of different characters out there for brief guest-starring roles. For the big conclusion, we should’ve seen the Sparrow and the other previous guest stars, too.

Peace on earth and goodwill towards men?! I think we’ve had quite enough of that by now. It’s definitely time to jump back in, with fists flying and bones cracking, for FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight, we’re heading back to May of 2000 for JSA #10 by David Goyer, Geoff Johns, Stephen Sadowski, and Michael Bair, for a quick round of fisticuffs between Ted “Wildcat” Grant and Killer Wasp.

Man, am I glad I realized it was Boxing Day. I’d hate to let a pun that awesome go uncommemorated…

Justice Society of America #21

Gog wants to be worshiped, and though Magog, the former David Reid, is willing, the rest of the renegade Justice Society is understandably reluctant. The rest of the JSA arrives, and Sand reveals that Gog is in the process of rooting himself to the planet — if he stays on Earth even one day more, he stands a good chance of completely destroying the world. Gog reacts badly, and the rest of the JSA turns against him. There’s a lot of references to “Kingdom Come” from here on out — Alan Scott takes on the Green Lantern armor he did in the graphic novel, and Jay Garrick gets accelerated toward the Speed Force, causing his body to take on an appearance similar to the blurry “Kingdom Come” Flash. Gog also takes back the gifts he’d given to the team — Dr. Mid-Nite becomes blind again, Starman goes mad, Sand gets his nightmares back, Damage’s face gets destroyed again, and Citizen Steel, after rejecting Gog’s offer to let him feel sensations again, is instead cursed with terrible pain. Is there any way for the Justice Society to defeat a god?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Good characterization really helps carry this one home. Nate Heywood rejecting Gog is a great moment, as is David Reid realizing just how bad Gog really is. The final chapter of this one comes up next — it should’ve been several issues shorter, but I’m glad the story is finally picking up now.

Final Crisis #5

And speaking of trying to beat gods, Darkseid and the evil gods of the Fourth World are on the verge of taking over everything. Granny Goodness, in the body of the Alpha Lantern Kraken, tries to steal the Central Power Battery on Oa, Wonder Woman is leading Batwoman, Catwoman, and Giganta as the new Female Furies, Mister Miracle and is still alive, Frankenstein is quoting John Milton, Mary Marvel takes down Captain Marvel and Black Adam, Mr. Talky Tawny shows up with a jetpack, the banished Monitor gets superpowered, a Rubik’s Cube gets solved unusually quickly, Lex Luthor is forced to serve Libra’s will, and the people of Earth become Darkseid’s slaves.

Verdict: I think I’ll give this a thumbs up. Lots of mad, bad, dangerous ideas getting flung around here.

Hellboy: The Wild Hunt #1

Hellboy is summoned from a house in Italy where he was rooming with a couple of old dead ladies to England, where he is offered the opportunity to participate in the Wild Hunt, a periodic quest by British noblemen to destroy giants before they become too powerful or cause too much trouble. But does the Wild Hunt hold potential for even more fear and treachery than Hellboy can handle?

Verdict: Thumbs up. A great betrayal and a great cliffhanger. This one is going to be a lot of fun.

Justice Society of America: Kingdom Come Special: The Kingdom

Again, whoaaa there, DC, let’s try to get those titles a little under control, a’ight? Less is more, ya know?

The blessings of Gog are showing their downsides more and more. Sand is able to sleep through the night, but he’s lost his predictive dreams that let him prevent murders. Dr. Mid-Nite has his regular sight back, but he’s lost his special sensory abilities that made him such a great doctor. Starman is sane, but he’s really unhappy about that. Damage is handsome again, but his vanity and egotism have gone out of control. And Citizen Steel hasn’t been granted his wish yet of being able to hug his nieces and nephews again — and I hope he doesn’t, ’cause all of the other wishes haven’t really turned out well.

What else? Stargirl and Atom-Smasher give Damage a stern talking-to, which he completely disregards. Cyclone is wearing a witch hat now, which seems a little goofy but still kinda cool. Starman has a new and fairly unpleasant job. Sand learns that Gog’s presence on Earth has a pretty darn good chance of destroying the planet. And Gog craves what all gods crave.

Verdict: Thumbs up, mainly because it finally feels like the story is moving forward. This storyline has gone on way, way too long, and I hope they get it wrapped up very soon, and with as few characters needlessly killed as possible.

Captain America #44

Bucky’s past as the Winter Soldier, a brainwashed Soviet agent, are coming back to haunt him. Batroc the Leaper is causing trouble, and a mysterious Chinese villain appears to have Bucky’s number.

Verdict: Thumbs down. I like the way they’re handling Batroc as something other than a buffoon, but right now, this is an espionage comic, and most espionage comics just don’t interest me.

The Brave and the Bold #19

The Phantom Stranger brings Hal Jordan to a private hospital that’s housing a bunch of children who were deformed during a drug trial. One of the children has begun writing in a wide variety of languages, many of them completely alien, many of them telling about far-distant catastrophes and galactic disasters. GL and the Stranger travel to Sector 3897 to assist the Green Lantern there with cleanup from a disaster that destroyed a city. It soon becomes clear that the disaster was caused by magic — magic connected to the deformed children on Earth, according to the Stranger.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Green Lantern and the Phantom Stranger aren’t the most obvious team that pops to mind, but they do seem to go together fairly well. I also like the details of the planet GL and the Stranger visit — very strange, very alien, ver much unlike Earth. And the cliffhanger at the end is excellent — I am eagerly awaiting the next issue of this one.