Yet another reason for you to avoid going into space — aside from the colossal expense, boredom, and high likelihood of being attacked and eaten by Radioactive Space Zombies from Beyond the Orbit of Neptune. Apparently, spending more than a few months in space makes you extremely weak.

Astronauts on a mission to Mars could lose nearly half their muscle strength during the long trip, giving them the physiques of senior citizens by the time they arrived, according to a new study.

Prolonged exposure to weightlessness could cause astronauts to lose more than 40 percent of their muscle strength even with regular exercise, researchers said. On a long voyage, a healthy 30- to 50-year-old astronaut could end up with the strength of an 80-year-old.

A 10-month trip to Mars would cause such extreme muscle deterioration that astronauts would find it difficult to perform even routine tasks, let alone move around the Martian surface in spacesuits, according to the study, which was led by Robert Fitts of Marquette University.

They say they’d need to put astronauts on a better diet and improve their ability to exercise to try to overcome the muscle loss, but it might still be a losing battle.

Yet another problem with science fiction — we’ve all spent years reading stories and watching movies about people who go into space for long periods of time, and we’d all love to think it’d be possible someday. But the fact that it would be awesome, and that it makes for great fiction just doesn’t necessarily transfer over into something that’s actually practical.

Seems like the great tragedies of our age — we learn more and more and more through science, and what we learn sometimes puts the smackdown on the dreams and fantasies we’ve held onto all our lives…

And to top it all off, the moon is shrinking. Stupid strength-sapping, increasingly-tiny universe…

It’s time to kick off another 12 rounds of FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS! And since it’s still H.P. Lovecraft’s birthday, I figured I’d keep the theme rollin’…

This is from the first issue of Batman: The Doom that Came to Gotham, by Mike Mignola, Richard Pace, Troy Nixey, and Dennis Janke, from sometime in 2000. It was an Elseworlds story, set in the 1930s, with all the villains getting a little Lovecraftian twist. Ra’s al Ghul was turned into Abd al-Hazred, Mr. Freeze turned out like the dead-but-refrigerated doctor in “Cool Air,” Two-Face got some really unpleasant trans-dimensional scarring, Oswald Cobblepot went nuts and ended up living in the Arctic with a bunch of horrifically tumored penguins, and Killer Croc got crossed with the undersea fish monsters called the deep ones…

Hope that’s a good way to start a weekend full of monsters, madness, and cosmic horror…

On this date, horror/fantasy/sci-fi writer H.P. Lovecraft was born in 1890. It’s his 120th birthday! Yay!

For you non-horror fans (it’s a pretty sure bet that people who love horror already know who HPL is), Howard Phillips Lovecraft wrote mainly for the old pulp magazines like “Weird Tales” — he was an obscure writer when he died, but his influence has grown greatly over the decades. He’s now considered to be one of the most influential horror writers ever — only Edgar Allan Poe is more important.

Lovecraft’s specialty was what’s now called cosmic horror, in which the universe is a cold and utterly uncaring place, and humanity is a completely insignificant species, prone to being wiped out at any time by the monstrously alien deities that, for now, slumber near us.

Lovecraft’s Big Bad is definitely Cthulhu, an immense octopoid god that sleeps in an ancient sunken city somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. And a common thread through his stories is that anyone who learns the real truth about the universe — that we’re specks with outsized egos, that we could be wiped out by impossibly powerful creatures that can barely even notice us, that the cosmos operates in an utterly alien fashion that our science can’t even begin to explain — is doomed to madness, despair, and suicide.

And Lovecraft was able to make that intensely nihilistic vision work for readers. In fact, his Cthulhu Mythos has been picked up and carried forward by countless writers, fans, and critics who’ve written new stories about his concepts — and have created movies, music, art, games… and comics, too. Here are a few that’ve gotten at least some of their inspiration from Lovecraft…

So everyone celebrate with a Cthulhu cake and Nyarlathotep punch and Yog-Sothoth pie!

The New Avengers #3

Some new magical interdimensional villain has kidnapped Iron Fist, because he had the bad fortune to be holding the Eye of Agamotto. But they can’t actually take the Eye from him, which gives him a lot more leeway than he might’ve expected. Meanwhile, on Earth, the absence of the Eye has lead to an invasion of interdimensional demons, who immediately get busy tearing New York City apart. While the Avengers fight the demons, Dr. Strange, Dr. Voodoo, and Daimon Hellstrom leave for Voodoo’s Sactum so they can figure out how to get rid of the demons. And the bad news is — they’ve got no idea. Where does that leave the heroes trying to keep the Big Apple safe? Nowhere good, that’s for sure.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Excellent patter in this one, especially between Spider-Man, Ms. Marvel, and the Thing, and during Victoria Hand‘s very entertaining rant in her car about being forced to work with the Avengers. Aside from that, the action is good, the art is great, and the revelation of the Big Bad is a pretty unexpected surprise.

Avengers Academy #3

I missed an issue of this one — either not enough got delivered to my local store here in Denton, or there was a lot of unexpected demand for it. But this one looked interesting to me from the beginning, and I didn’t want to give up on it just because I missed the second issue.

So in this issue, besides getting some insight into Hazmat’s terrifically toxic powers and her extremely depressing life, and sitting in on an example of why no one should let Valkyrie teach students anything (it involves beer and sex toy demonstrations), everyone takes a field trip to the Raft, a high-tech prison for supervillains run by Luke Cage and the Thunderbolts. The idea is to let the Thunderbolts give the kids the “Scared Straight” treatment, but Hazmat, Mettle, and Veil have other ideas — they’ve found out Norman Osborn is being held at the Raft, and they want revenge for the way he tortured them. But if they sabotage the prison’s security measures to get at Osborn, they may end up causing a gigantic breakout…

Verdict: Thumbs up. Good dialogue, wonderful art, and lots of fun characters. Pretty much everything with Juggernaut on the page is a solid winner. I do have some quibbles — I’m not sure I like the idea of Speedball being a cutter — I think I’ve had more than enough of emo Speedball. And I’m not sure I believe that a super-prison like the Raft wouldn’t have some defenses against an electromagnetic pulse.

Today’s Cool Links:

• In-depth analysis of Planetary #7, the wonderful “All-Vertigo” issue.
• Snell takes a look at Neal Adams’ great “Phantom Stranger” covers.
• Kate Beaton makes comics about going to visit her folks.

Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes #5

Captain America takes on a simple mission — he’s gotten a call that someone in a small town in Montana is illegally holding a baby rhinoceros for experimentation. Does he need a hand from any of the other Avengers? Nah, simple grab-and-go mission, piece of cake. Well, he finds out that the Montana town is actually a disguised HYDRA base with 5,000 members on site. And the person who called him for help? It’s Spider-Man’s old foe, the Rhino. But does Captain America back down from something like that? HECK NO! He goes in, beats up HYDRA dorks, steals some normal clothing so he can blend in with the city full of paranoid crazy people who want to conquer the world, and hangs out with the Rhino. The problem is that the cute baby rhino named Bartleby is going to be experimented on and killed because HYDRA thinks they can make an army of guys like Rhino — he knows that isn’t possible, and especially not just by killing a cute baby rhino. So Cap has to sneak a huge, superstrong, and completely unsubtle supervillain out of town, along with a mostly defenseless baby rhino. How on earth is that going to be possible?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Really cute and fun story. Nice emphasis on Cap, and a lot of fun with both the Rhino and Bartleby. And the art is by ChrisCross, an old favorite of mine from back when he was drawing “Blood Syndicate,” so getting a nice dose of his art is definitely a bonus for me.

Booster Gold #35

Booster and Skeets are in the past on a mission with Blue Beetle, Mister Miracle, and Big Barda as they try to get a magic book from a dweeby world conqueror wannabe named Hieronymous the Underachiever. Hieronymous has a trick up his sleeve — or rather in orbit, ready to destroy the planet he’s on with a giant weapon called a Planet Pounder. The Darkstars are looking for it without much success, and Hieronymous is using the Planet Pounder as blackmail to try to get the former ruler to reveal the secrets of the book to him. Can the heroes get the book, defeat Hieronymous’ minions, and stop the Planet Pounder in time?

Verdict: Thumbs up. It’s always fun to see Giffen and DeMatteis working on the old Bwa-ha-ha Justice League, and they’ve got the story moving along very well. Booster’s more recent maturity is nicely contrasted with the way his old teammates still expect him to behave.

Buzzard #3

The Buzzard is on a quest to find something that is mutating humans into deadly monsters. He’s leading a boy, who was assigned to be his guide because the village he lived in thought he was worthless, and a dancing girl, who the Buzzard rescued from a cult. Buzzard tells the kid why he never smiles — he’s an immortal, he’s seen just about everything, and he never feels awe for anything he sees anymore. The woman flees or is dragged away one night, but Buzzard and the boy eventually find their way to the temple where the giant monster who’s responsible for all of this lives. After telling the boy to hide himself, Buzzard goes into the temple to challenge the beast. But the monster is also immortal and, like Buzzard, tired of living. Will either of them make it out alive, or will both find the death they’ve been looking for?

In the backup story about Billy the Kid’s Old Timey Oddities, Billy and his freak-show cohorts rescue Jeffrey, but are pursued by the witch and her monstrous baby. They make their escape and learn the tragic history behind both of the monsters.

Verdict: Thumbs up. The Buzzard’s story is unexpectedly sad and sweet. Strong characterization and dialogue, plus Eric Powell’s always-cool artwork. The backup story was fun, too — and even better, it’s going to be getting its own series soon.

Zatanna #4

While running some shows out of Las Vegas, Zatanna takes out the local version of the Royal Flush Gang — this batch isn’t themed on playing cards but on the Rat Pack. Later, she meets up with a mysterious casino owner, runs into her cousin, Zachary Zatara, who has invited a bunch of people up to her room to party and trash the place, and has a less-than-successful outing against some fire demons.

Verdict: Thumbs up. The rest of the story is fine, but I really enjoyed the Rat Pack-impersonating Royal Flush Gang who take up the first few pages of the story. They’re a surprisingly fun twist, and a natural for Sin City.

The Unwritten #16

Tom Taylor has finally met up with his supposedly-dead father, fantasy novelist Wilson Taylor, while super-assassin Pullman and the great literary conspiracy tries to hunt them all down. Lizzie Hexam, meanwhile, exploring the old Victorian novel where she was apparently born, discovers that you really can’t go home again. Wilson explains a few mysteries to Tom and gives Savoy a story for his paper, but it’s not long before Pullman tracks them down. Will any of them escape alive? And what’s to become of Wilson Taylor’s literary legacy when the awful (and fake) new Tommy Taylor novel is released?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Good action, good dialogue and characterization, some mysteries revealed and a few more kicked up in their place. It’s a nice way to end this storyarc — looking forward to seeing what comes next.

Today’s Cool Links:

• David Brothers gives a nice analysis of classic Black Panther comics.
• Polite Dissent digs up some nice detective work and unsafe medical practice from a Golden Age comic starring Dr. Fate.

Batgirl #13

Stephanie Brown is enjoying a normal collegiate life, if normal includes stuff like “epic ping-pong.” But she gets called out by Proxy, Steph’s new tech manager, to help take care of a shootout. Only thing is it ain’t just a common shootout — the shooter is actually Clayface in disguise. Clayface gets away, but Proxy traces him to a nearby bank, so Batgirl leads Det. Gage and the rest of the Gotham P.D. in, where Steph finds him trying to enter the bank vault in the guise of the bank manager. Of course, this leads to Batgirl fighting a shapeshifter who looks exactly like… Batgirl. Can Steph get out of this without the Gotham cops filling her full of lead?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Nice, self-contained story. Stephanie’s ping-pong battle is great fun, and as always, the dialogue and humor are fantastic. And it’s always fun to see Clayface in a story.

Strange Science Fantasy #2

Scott Morse‘s whacked-out pulp fiction series continues, this time with a story about mankind on the ropes from an invasion of deadly sea life. A Japanese warrior is inspired to forge an armored spacesuit and travels into space to consult with a being called the Cosmic Mind. He tells the Shogunaut that he must destroy a sea-going brute called the Knucklehead. But someone is hiding the true story from the combatants — can the Shogunaut and the Knucklehead find common ground?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Like the first issue, this one is a great experience. Wonderful artwork, wonderful paper, captions that demand the comic be read out loud, and a great one-page backup from Paul Pope.

Today’s Cool Links:

• Project Rooftop has some neat costume designs and artwork from the late, great Mike Wieringo.
• Johanna Draper Carlson ponders the end of the “Cathy” comic strip.
• An art show devoted to the greatest three movies of all time.

I have again been neglecting my responsibilities to jam pure awesomeness directly into your forebrain, but I will now remedy that situation by jamming pure awesomeness directly into your forebrain… with apes and monkeys!

Apes and monkeys are not, of course, the same thing — an ape is a different critter than a monkey. They’re all primates, of course, but apes include gibbons, orangutans, gorillas, chimpanzees, and humans, while monkeys include spider monkeys, howler monkeys, baboons, mandrills, proboscis monkeys, capuchins, and (hee hee) titi monkeys, as well as many, many more.

We may think of them as our hairier, less sophisticated cousins, but apes and monkeys are capable of many amazing feats, ranging from traveling into space to running large and unusually awesome libraries. They can help the handicapped, act in movies and TV shows, and even be elected to city councils!

But they are not to be underestimated. Sure, chimpanzees look cute and harmless and fun, don’t they? But chimpanzees are stronger and faster than humans, and attacking chimps have seriously mutilated and killed several people in the past. Our primate cousins could mess us up pretty good if they wanted to.

Nevertheless, their many skills and their aptitude for ass-whuppin’ combine to make monkeys and apes just ridiculously awesome, and they’ve been rewarded with lots of love from the entertainment community. Comics have loved apes for over fifty years, with DC’s Silver Age devotion to apes and monkeys being particularly strong — Detective Chimp, Congorilla, Gorilla Grodd, Titano, Monsieur Mallah, and the Mod Gorilla Boss all got their starts in the ’50s and ’60s, and more modern ape characters have included Gorilla-Man, King Solomon, Rex Mantooth, Cy-Gor, Brainiape, Axewell Tiberius from “Monkeyman and O’Brien,” and the Kriegaffes that show up from time to time in the “Hellboy” comics.

How much do people love apes and monkeys? Just look at this page.

Monkeys and apes are awesome.

Daytripper #9

It’s the next-to-the-last issue of this incredible series. Brás de Oliva Domingos is — well, he’s everywhere. A wide variety of ages. Sometimes a boy, sometimes an adult, sometimes married, sometimes visiting old friends and relatives, sometimes a completely different person. He’s dreaming, he can’t seem to wake up, and there’s something he needs to learn.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Thumbs up. Thumbs up. People, if you haven’t been reading this, you should’ve been. See if you can find the back issues. See if you can hunker down and wait for the trade paperback. This one is going to win awards, it’s going to wind up on everyone’s “Best of 2010” lists, it’s going to be the type of story they teach in textbooks someday. It’s a beautifully illustrated and beautifully written story, and I hope you’ll go buy it and enjoy it.

B.P.R.D.: Hell on Earth – New World #1

It’s definitely a new world for the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense — they have a new mandate from the United Nations, a much larger staff and budget, and a new global focus on the supernatural threats popping up all over the world. While new field director Kate Corrigan works to coordinate worldwide operations, Abe Sapien heads up north to investigate a string of mysterious disappearances. Andrew Devon still worries that Abe is somehow allied with the recently defeated frogs, and Johann Kraus is deeply wishing he had his old body back again. What other secret threats and resentments are lurking in wait for everyone?

Verdict: Thumbs up. A nice new start for everyone, with several new interpersonal subplots that we haven’t had to deal with before — the tensions between Abe, Andrew, and Kate are going to end up being pretty interesting. Guy Davis’s artwork is as interesting as ever — he doesn’t do the prettiest, glossiest art, but he’s brilliant with characterization and mood — his facial expressions are great, and the scene where Abe discovers how empty the Canadian town has gotten is wonderfully creepy.

Birds of Prey #4

Eeeeverybody’s in trouble. Black Canary is taking on the White Canary, who is at least as good a fighter as Dinah is and quite likely better. Savant and Creote are planning on dropping Babs Gordon off a bridge. Hawk may be dying of poison, and the Penguin has just stabbed Lady Blackhawk because he thinks he’s going to be given a database that includes the secret identities of every superhero on Earth. Things are dire all around, and several sacrifices are going to have to be made if everyone is going to get out alive.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Not the greatest story in the world, but Gail Simone structures it very entertainingly. The tidbits we get from the White Canary’s life are pretty interesting, the fight scenes are good, and Oracle’s confrontation with Savant is quite nice.

Today’s Cool Links:

• Batman is going to teach you how to feed goats.
• Usedta be, they’d make comic adaptations of anything.
• Two incredible minutes of a very scary storm approaching a beach in Finland.

Hercules: Twilight of a God #3

Herc’s Skrull friend Skyppi is old and dying, trying to plan out his post-death existence as some random inanimate object. Hercules is brought into the hospital, comatose after his battle against the new Silver Surfer, and a convention of alien diplomats converges on Wilamean to negotiate on whether or not they’ll help evacuate the planet before a Galactus-powered black hole destroys everything. But a terrorist attack destroys all the diplomatic ships, leaving all those aliens stranded on a world that’s going to be destroyed in one month. As diplomats and citizens alike begin to panic, Hercules makes his triumphant reappearance to calm everyone’s fears — but actually, it’s a shapeshifted Skyppi working to give everyone more time to figure out a plan. And when they finally figure out how to stop the black hole, it turns out to be something that only the real Hercules can accomplish…

Verdict: Thumbs up. This story is actually a great deal sillier than the previous issues have been, with cracks about Superman, rednecks, brawling TV pundits, Hercules’ fake Shakespearean dialogue, and more. This actually works out a lot better than I was expecting. Characterization and dialogue are probably the best things in this issue, along with the art by Ron Lim.

JSA All-Stars #9

While most of the team is fighting monsters in the Central American country of Parador, they discover an old friend/foe, Brainwave, who has been roped in by the government to mentally sedate a group of mutant children who can channel the power of Parador’s gods. And the backup story featuring Hourman and Liberty Belle finally, after months of convoluted buildup, gets interesting as we learn why Tigress and Icicle want the magical doohickey everyone’s chasing after.

Verdict: Thumbs up. I wasn’t much expecting to enjoy this one, but it ended up being a good story — nothing spectacular, but a solid piece of storytelling. I’ve mostly skipped over the backup story in the past, but the fact that we’ve finally gotten a credible motive for Icicle and Tigress does a lot to make it more readable. They should’ve done this in the first chapter or two instead of the ones nearing the end.

Today’s Cool Links:

• A fake trailer for an Avengers movie — from the 1950s!
• A little bitty cannon that makes a great big BOOM!
• Scorpion performs his own theme from “Mortal Kombat” on an accordion. This is why the Internet is so wonderful.
• I’m not sure Mike Sterling‘s new blog is actually something we really need to see more of. Isn’t it depressing enough that these people exist without calling more attention to them?