Alan Moore (creator of “Watchmen” and many others), Art Spiegelman (creator of “Maus”), and Daniel Clowes (creator of “Eightball” and “Ghost World”) will play themselves on an episode of “The Simpsons” in October.

More info here.

As expected, it’ll be an episode focusing on Jeff Albertson, the Comic Book Guy, with Jack Black stepping in to voice the hipster owner of a new rival comic shop across town.

The Weekly World News — self-dubbed “The World’s Only Reliable Newspaper” — is closing up shop.

What will we all read in the supermarket checkout lines now? “In Touch” magazine just doesn’t have enough articles about the World’s Fattest Cat…

Time to get the reviews for the rest of my comics out of the way today.

The Brave and the Bold #5

Well, last issue ended with Batman merged with the evil cyborg Tharok and transported to the distant future. This issue starts out with the 31st century’s Legion of Super-Heroes using their amazing super-science to split the two characters apart. Unfortunately, despite the many technological advances of the future, they’ve never managed time travel (or at least this version of the future hasn’t — lots of previous versions of the Legion had time travel), so Batman may be permanently stuck in the future. Even worse, his presence is causing the manifestation of dangerous time rifts that could wreck the entire fabric of time. Everyone figures that, since the Haruspex super-weapon managed to send Batman forward in time, maybe it could also send him back. Unfortunately, no one can get it to work anymore.

Frustrated by his situation and by the arrogant Brainiac 5’s constant put-downs of his relatively primitive intellect, Batman seemingly goes nuts, steals a Legion Flight Ring, and leads the Legionnaires on a wild chase. In the process, he ties Triplicate Girl into a Siamese Human Knot (just like in the old ’60s “Batman” show!) and has a grand mid-air martial arts battle with Karate Kid.

Back in the present-day, Supergirl, Green Lantern, and Adam Strange are on the distant planet Rann trying to locate the Book of Destiny before the evil Luck Lords get their hands on it.

Verdict: Thumbs up. So many cool things, all in one book. Action, humor, wonderful dialogue, great plot twists, and George Perez’s outstanding art — all of it in one little comic book. Go git it.

All-Flash #1

This is a one-shot issue to link the old “Flash” series with the new one. In it, the resurrected Wally West goes after Bart Allen’s killer (and clone!) Inertia. He picks an ironic end for him that is indeed uncommonly cruel for what we know about Wally (just as Bart’s death was uncommonly cruel for what we knew of the previously non-murderous Rogues), but it is something that Inertia will be able to escape from pretty easily so he can come back over and over as a villain.

This issue has several different artists, but at the end we get a glimpse of Daniel Acuna’s art for the new “Flash” series — and I’m not really very encouraged by it. You see, Acuna is a painter — an excellent one, in fact — and his artwork, like the recent “Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters,” is dark, dark, dark — lots of very dark colors, accentuated by brilliant flashes of light. It’s beautiful, but it makes his artwork hard to look at — you can’t see it clearly in anything less than direct light — anything less is like looking at dim silhouettes. And his best work is fairly grounded in the realism of the human form — but here, he goes for some grotesque cartooning — Flash’s son is a kid, and elsewhere in this issue, he’s depicted as a normal-looking kid. But in Acuna’s artwork, he has powers, and his arms and upper body are muscled like a professional bodybuilder. He looks utterly freakish — he’d look freakish drawn by anyone, but Acuna’s realistic style makes it more pronounced and ugly. Acuna’s artwork for “The Flash” makes me a lot less enthusiastic about the upcoming series — I’m a big believer in the idea that the writer doe the most work toward creating a good comic book, but there’s no doubt that poor — or in this case, just bizarre — artwork can kill a lot of the pleasure of reading a well-written comic.

Verdict: Thumbs up, but just barely. There are large chunks of this story that I like a lot, but the Acuna artwork just makes me so nervous…

Stephen Colbert’s Tek Jansen #1

Yes, this is the same Stephen Colbert who anchors Comedy Central’s “Colbert Report.” The comic isn’t written by Colbert, but he is credited with “Galactic Overlording.”

Tek Jansen is a Colbert-created space hero who looks just like Colbert and talks just like his comedy persona — egotistical, conservative, casually xenophobic, but very, very, very heroic and always right about everything. He gets sent on intergalactic missions, engages in wild derring-do, takes the law into his own hands, and makes fun of both the radioactive robot monkey he works with and Overseeress Braina, a floating disembodied brain wearing a pretty bow.

He sleeps with a gross skeleton alien, brutally assaults numerous monstrous alien menaces (and innocent alien passersby), fights evil in the nude, and destroys planets for no good reason. There are lots of funny sciencefictionisms, as well as wonderful dialogue, especially from the evil Meangarr, a caged inkblot who constantly issues over-the-top threats like “I’ll tear your head off and make it my wife.” (Note: Please try to use this phrase in conversation today.)

Verdict: Thumbs up. Clearly, we need more comics inspired by Stephen Colbert monologues.

The most recent “Supergirl” series has really been plagued by bad artwork — Sure, there are lots of comics with rotten artwork, but it seemed that the main character was actually designed to look like a misshapen, anorexic parody of the bubbleheaded blonde pop tarts that’ve turned into recent “Entertainment Tonight” fodder. Lookit this:

There are no clean jokes I can make here.

Hey, kids! It’s a comic about a really skanky girl with an eating disorder and an unbelievably poor fashion sense. If this were a realistic comic book, Nightwing would’ve spent the whole comic making Supergirl sit in a deli and eat sandwiches. After that, Oracle would’ve shown up and taken Supergirl out to buy some clothes. No reason to flash everyone in Metropolis every time you go flying somewhere, right? And after that, they’d set her up with an appointment with a good psychologist to help her out with the eating disorder.

And seriously, the comic has gotten quite a bit of criticism from female comic book readers. They say (correctly, I think) that DC has made Supergirl into a bad bubble-blonde stereotype, that girls who read the comic will think it would be healthy to be that skinny, that for a company like DC that has been trying to reach out to female readers, this comic is a really, really lousy way to do that.

DC has been working pretty hard on making their comic books more diverse and have made a pretty strong effort to pick up more female readers with their new Minx Comics imprint. People have been asking why DC hasn’t worked harder to attract female readers to some of their mainstream comics, particularly Supergirl…

Well, DC recently unveiled a new version of the character — and she looks… normal.

She still has the belly-shirt, but it’s no longer skin-tight. The skirt is longer. Her proportions are no longer supermodel-anorexic, but much more normal for a girl in her upper teens.

Even the posture seems to be more realistic. I’ve known lots of people who’d sit just like that. Yeah, it’s not stereotypically superheroic, but it’s nice to take a good break from the stereotypes, too.

You’ve already got some of the more immature fanboys whining that she looks fat — except that, again, she doesn’t look fat unless the only females you’ve ever seen are anorexic supermodels in comic books. DC has clearly decided — and again, correctly, in my opinion — that they have a decent chance of picking up some new readers, especially teen and preteen girls, with the new look.

Anyway, Tony Bedard is the new writer, and Renato Guedes is the new artist. Looks like their first issue will hit stores sometime this August.

(Oh, and some more artwork, plus another interview with Bedard, can be found here.)

 

World War Hulk #2

I know a lot of people who would deride the “World War Hulk” storyline as nothing more than wall-to-wall face-punching, “HULK SMASH!” and brutality. If you’re not into nonstop violence in your comics, the entire concept of the Hulk — a geek who turns into an unstoppable musclebound monster — is going to run you off.

Of course, find me a fanboy who only reads pure action comics. They haven’t made those since the dark days of the mid-’90s. We geeks like some thinking with our face-punching nowadays.

This issue sees the Avengers and the Fantastic Four trying to stop Hulk and his crew, a bunch of gladiatorial aliens who call themselves the Warbound (with names like Hiroim the Shamed, Mied the Unhived, and No-Name of the Brood). Hulk fights She-Hulk, Hulk fights the Thing, Hulk beats Mr. Fantastic into a Fantasti-puddle. There are lots of “WHAKOOOM!” and “THOOOM!” and “THRAKOOOM!” sound effects, though the Hulk-Thing battle is interestingly silent.

We also get some good stuff with She-Hulk trying to talk Hulk down, Dr. Strange working on a spell that he hopes will solve things before Hulk beats him into Strange-puddle, and Hulk’s oldest friend Rick Jones almost talks Hulk down. I’ll be surprised if the last issue doesn’t end with a five-page-long discussion about philosophy (probably accompanied by the occasional “WHAKOOOOM!”).

Verdict: Thumbs up. A little of the old ultra-violence, and a little of the old ultra-talking. John Romita’s art is wonderful, and the writing and dialogue are first-rate.

I’d hoped to spend a pretty good chunk of the weekend working on the past week’s comics reviews, but alas, fate and my crappy Internet connection conspired against me. There are two things you should always remember about free apartment wireless: (1) You get what you pay for, and (2) You’re paying for NOTHING.

To put it another way, expect light blogging for a while until I can scrabble together the funds for an Internet connection that doesn’t conk out every weekend.

Oh, a review? Sure, why not?

 

Shazam! The Monster Society of Evil #4

Well, that’s one manly cover, ain’t it?

The grand conclusion of Jeff Smith’s retro-cool series is everything you’d want and more. You’ve got Billy Batson fighting off armies of cockroaches, a nasty new version of Mr. Mind, Dr. Sivana being a complete heel, and the world’s largest Captain Marvel punching holes in giant robots.

Verdict: Thumbs up. If you don’t have this, get it — or wait for the collected edition, which should be coming out pretty soon.

As Bahlactus commands: On Friday nights, thou shalt bring the pain.

From “Seven Soldiers: Bulleteer #4” by Grant Morrison and Yanick Paquette:

Catfights are the best when people start hitting each other with car engines.

Wow, did I ever have a busy day yesterday. Tons of work here at the office, followed by a couple hours running errands for family before finally getting home in time to cook dinner at 8 p.m. I didn’t even have time to finish reading yesterday’s new comics, but we’ll try to remedy that over the weekend.

Here’s what I’ve gotten to read so far…

The Spirit #8

If you’re not familiar with the Spirit yet, here’s the general summary. The Spirit is a guy in a suit, fedora, and domino mask who runs around fighting crime in the best pulp tradition. He has no powers, other than his ability to get repeatedly and entertainingly beaten up. He was created by Will Eisner, who is generally considered one of the best artists and the very best storyteller who’s ever worked in the comics biz. This is a new series, written and drawn by Darwyn Cooke, who is generally considered to rock the house.

In this issue, the Spirit and superspy Agent Satin are locked in an old water tower with a nuclear bomb. Satin could disarm it easily… but she’s got amnesia. With just 30 minutes left before the bomb explodes, can the Spirit get Satin to recover her memory in time?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Darwyn Cooke is the reigning King of All Awesomeness. If you’re not reading this comic every month, you’re missing out on a guaranteed pure 5000cc megadose of pure unfiltered AWESOME. Go pick it up.

Marvel Adventures: Giant-Size Avengers

An extra-sized one-shot of the best all-ages comic produced by Marvel, thanks to Jeff Parker’s ability to write outstanding action and hilarious dialogue. This issue combines teams up the Avengers with the Agents of Atlas, a team of Avengers surrogates who had their glory days during the Golden Age — Parker wrote a wonderful miniseries starring the Agents of Atlas last year.

Anyway, Kang the Conqueror, a time-traveling despot, attacks in this issue, first sending a wave of dinosaurs against the Avengers and later manipulating the Agents into reviving Captain America in the mid-50s instead of the present. As a result, Captain America becomes president and, tricked into thinking that Kang is a great hero, he signs the whole world over to him. Can Storm, Wolverine, and Spider-Man make it through Kang’s timegates to convince the Agents to let Cap remain frozen in the Arctic?

On top of all that, readers are treated to reprints of Golden Age comics starring Namor, Namora, and Venus.

Verdict: Thumbs up. The story is a joy from beginning to end. Kang’s plot is unusually subtle and clever, and his personality is a lot more interesting than is normally portrayed. It’s great to see the Agents of Atlas again, too. Gorilla-Man is hilarious, and I’d love to see him and the rest of the Agents in an ongoing series. Even the reprints at the end are fun — they’re kid-friendly without being simple-minded. My only disappointment is that there’s no appearance by the Hulk.

Countdown #41

Trickster and Piper fall out of a plane but survive. Mary Marvel is targeted by evil forces. Jimmy Olsen is wearing spandex under his clothes. Donna Troy, Jason Todd, the Atom, and the Monitor (now called “Bob”) shrink down to —

To heck with it.

Nothing happens. Everyone just marks time for another issue, waiting for whenever someone decides to start writing a real story instead of these pointless, meandering vignettes.

I’m done with this one. At its very, very best, it’s been only mediocre. “Countdown” is a symptom of everything that’s gone wrong with DC, and I’m not going to waste my time or money on it any longer.

That’s all for now. More reviews this weekend, I promise.

DC has released a big teaser image for the big crossover event that will follow “Countdown.” They’re calling it “Final Crisis.”

Well, first, holy cow, does DC ever overuse the word “Crisis.” See, back in the ’80s, there was “Crisis on Infinite Earths,” which was one of the first big cosmos-quaking crossover mega-events. Heroes died, villains died, entire alternate universes were destroyed, readers generally liked it, and DC sold a lot of comics. A couple years ago, DC came up with “Infinite Crisis,” which was another big cosmos-quaking crossover mega-event. Heroes died, villains died, entire alternate universes were created, DC sold a lot of comics, and readers were a lot less favorably disposed.

Now comes “Final Crisis,” and I’ll tell you what a lot of folks I know expect from it: they expect DC to kill everyone and start all over. Reboot their universe from the beginning. Get rid of the characters they don’t like, lose the complicated background continuity, pretend the bad stories never existed in the first place.

I despise this idea. Hate, hate, hate it.

Here’s Valerie D’Orazio’s take on the idea, which I largely agree with, but I do have my own thoughts on the subject, too.

It’s not just the idea of watching favorite characters get killed. Yeah, yeah, they’re fictional, so who cares. The problem is, first, that DC has a really cool continuity and lots of cool relationships between characters. I don’t think DC should want to lose all their Green Lanterns or all their Flashes or all their Robins. Dumping them in favor of having just Hal Jordan, Barry Allen, and Dick Grayson would make the DCU a lot less fun to read about.

Second, the idea of clearing the slate and starting over doesn’t say good things about the respect the higher-ups have for their characters. If they’re willing to wipe out characters that people have been reading about for decades, and start over from scratch, I think you should expect some of the fans of those characters to decide they want to do something else with their disposable income…

Third, I’m tired of gigantic crossover events, from both DC and Marvel. Crossover events won’t give you stable revenue and loyal readers — they give you roller-coaster revenues, and readers who are probably close to burning out on your comics, both because they’re tired of the convoluted storylines and because they can’t afford all the extra comics they have to read to keep track of what’s going on.

And finally… I’m beyond tired of deaths in comics. No, I don’t want to make comics a no-violence zone or a no-deaths zone. But there have just been way too many in the past couple of years. Death works best in comics when it’s rare, because that rarity gives it a powerful emotional impact. When you overdo death, everyone stops caring. “Oh, who’s the ‘Death of the Week’ now? Yawwwwn.” I want to see a lot less death in comics because I liked it better when death meant something.

Remember when Gwen Stacy’s death in “Spider-Man” really shocked people? Remember when Barry Allen’s sacrifice in “Crisis on Infinite Earths” was an unusual and remarkable event? You couldn’t get that nowadays. We’ve gotten jaded because our comics creators think of death as a cheap alternative to real drama, as an easy shock, as a convenient way to make a bad guy into a BAAAAAD guy.

You can make great comics without killing your characters or blowing up your universe. Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Gardner Fox, Jack Cole, Steve Ditko, and the entire Golden and Silver Ages of comics prove it.

Man alive, I am one lazy, lazy comics reviewer. You’d think these were hard reviews. But they ain’t. I’m just lazy.

Let’s get after it.

 

B.P.R.D.: Garden of Souls #5

The conclusion of this storyline. Not quite as many spooky scares, but much, much more of Abe Sapien unleashing the forces of scaly-fishman whup-ass on the freaky oldsters in their steampunk armor and on Edward, the oversized muscleman.

It also includes the following panel.

 

That may not be the coolest cow in the world, but it’s sure close to the top of the list.

Verdict: Thumbs up. A nice thrill-ride to finish off all the horror. Grand fun.

 

Countdown #42

Piper and Trickster have been captured and shackled together with manacles that could kill them if they try to break them. Holly Robinson, former Catwoman, is hanging out Harley Quinn and a bunch of Amazons. Donna Troy, Jason Todd, and the renegade Monitor get the current Atom, Ryan Choi, to take them to the hyper-miniaturized “Palmerverse” to find the previous Atom, Ray Palmer. Mary Marvel meets up with the Riddler, then sends Clayface into orbit. And way too many of the pictures of Mary in this issue are upskirt shots. Siiiigh. Fine, fine, I recognize that there’s not much of a way to avoid it with that costume, but after a certain point, it just seems creepy.

Verdict: Thumbs down. Boring.

 

Deadpool/GLI Summer Fun Spectacular

Cute, fun, and funny. I’ve never much seen the point of Deadpool, but the Great Lakes Avengers (now calling themselves the Great Lakes Initiative) are always good for a larf. Squirrel Girl meets up with her ex-boyfriend Speedball, who’s now grim and gritty and spiky and calling himself Penance. A.I.M uses the Greek god Dionysus to get every superhero in the world drunk. Flatman shows off his Origami-Fu. Mr. Immortal dies a lot. Squirrel Girl also visits the future, and we get nearly-official confirmation that she is indeed the baddest badass in the Marvel Universe.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Squirrel Girl rocks. Deal with it, fanboy.

 

Green Lantern #21

The aftermath of the Green Lantern Corps’ first battle with the Sinestro Corps. Hal Jordan fights the Parallaxized Kyle Rayner. Hal is confronted with his only real fear. Ready for it? Ready? He’s afraid… that when his father died in a jet crash… that he was afraid.

That’s it? That’s the great fear?

Where’s my Whackin’ Stick?

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Verdict: It’s WHACK!

 

Martha Washington Dies

Martha Washington, Frank Miller and Dave Gibbons’ futuristic soldier and freedom fighter from the classic “Give Me Liberty,” is now 100 years old. She dies.

Verdict: Thumbs down. Way, way too short. Half the comic is devoted to promos for next year’s collection of all the Martha Washington stories.

Okay, that’s all of ’em I got. New comics coming in tomorrow.