Another Friday means it’s time for another session of comic-art pain to kick off the weekend! Everyone strap yourself in for… FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Our weekly dose of ultraviolence comes tonight from the 2005 anthology Bizarro World and a story by Evan Dorkin and M. Wartella called “Monkey, the Monkey Wonder.” Here we see the inevitable result when Beppo the Super-Monkey catches Batman trying to do away with his new monkey sidekick.

My mon Spacebooger don’t shiv.

Batman #680

Okay, the Black Glove has invited a bunch of wealthy creeps (most wearing domino masks) to watch him destroy Batman. Batman is still wearing his hyper-garish costume and talking to Bat-Mite. Commissioner Gordon is trapped in a booby-trapped Wayne Manor and getting rescued by Damian and Talia. The Joker is being the Joker, which is bad news for everyone. Jezebel Jet is being held captive. And Bats is getting betrayed by someone he never expected.

Verdict: Thumbs up. There’s plenty of cool stuff here, some of it just amazingly cool, thrilling, wild. But a big chunk of this is about re-emphasizing what an absolutely freaky guy the Joker is. How freaky is the Joker?

The dude gave himself a forked tongue. With a straight razor. For the fun of it.

That’s freaky.

1985 #5

Toby, a little kid from our superhero-less world, has made his way to the Marvel Universe, pursued by the terrible Trapster (who promptly gets hit by a car). He can’t get the Avengers or the Fantastic Four to listen to him, but hey, he knows Spider-Man’s secret identity, so he’s able to have a nice long chat with him. Meanwhile, the psychotic villains of the Marvel Universe have invaded his world, slaughtering everyone they can. Toby’s mom and dad are trying to survive, but can anyone survive… the Coming of Galactus?

Verdict: Thumbs up. I shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as I am. Still, Toby is fun, his dad is fun, the unleashed villains are fun. I even like the vaguely cheesy contrast between the sunlit Marvel Universe and our own dim and shadowy world.

Batman #679

In this issue: Batman’s craaaaaaazy.

He’s running around Gotham City dressed in a garish purple, red, and yellow version of his costume, he’s getting advice from Bat-Mite, who probably isn’t there at all, and he’s able to talk to gargoyles. He pulls out one of his teeth, because the Black Glove hid a tracing device there. Batman’s craaaaaazy.

But he’s able to capture and brutally interrogate Charlie Caligula from the Club of Villains, and Robin manages to elude Pierrot Lunaire and Springheeled Jack. The Knight and Squire are on the way, too. But Commissioner Gordon’s stuck in a deathtrapped Wayne Manor, Alfred has been tied up and beaten, Nightwing is scheduled for a lobotomy in Arkham Asylum, Jezebel Jet has been captured, and the Black Glove claims to be Thomas Wayne, Batman’s father. And the Joker is still waiting in the wings…

Verdict: Thumbs up. Utterly madcap lunacy. Does anyone know where Grant Morrison is going with this? Does Grant himself know? I reserve the right to hate where everything may wind up, but for now, wow, what a ride.

Captain Britain and MI:13 #4

Captain Britain has returned to life, pulled Excalibur from the stone, and has taken the battle to the evil super-magical Skrull. Dr. Faiza Hussain is trying in vain to save the life of the Black Knight. Pete Wisdom, Spitfire, and John the Skrull have been captured by the Skrulls in the other-dimensional Avalon. The Skrulls kill John for mouthing off, but Captain Britain manages to kill the head Skrull, returning magic to Avalon. At this point, all the supernatural evil in Britain is empowered to return to earth, but because Wisdom freed them, they grant him a single wish. Can he manage to use one wish to save everyone?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Excellent action all around. Good character bits for Faiza Hussain and Pete Wisdom. Haven’t really seen very much from Spitfire — hope that changes soon. Looks like the new team will have their hands full taking care of all those evil spirits, too. I’m disappointed that John the Skrull exited the scene so quickly, though.

 

Short answer? I have no idea.

But it is something I’ve been pondering. It’s absolutely certain we’ll see at least one more sequel in this franchise — after pulling down over $400 million in a little over three weeks, there’s no way Warner Brothers will let director Christopher Nolan or Christian Bale walk on this. But the big talk in movie circles is who the next Bat-villain will be.

Now let’s not talk actors — Nolan’s gotten great results by going with actors you’d never actually associate with the characters they played. Besides, anything you’re hearing now about Angelina Jolie or Johnny Depp is strictly scuttlebutt that almost certainly won’t come to pass.

So who are our possibilities?

I really doubt we’ll see the Joker or Two-Face make a return appearance. No one’s going to be dumb enough to try to fill Heath Ledger’s shoes for a sequel, and Harvey Dent’s dead. No, no weaseling out of this — no “Well, they didn’t take his pulse, we don’t know he’s in the coffin, he might be alive.” No, he’s dead. Bringing him back to life is a comic book trick, and Nolan isn’t playing these movies by comic book rules.

Nolan’s already said he dislikes the Penguin and doesn’t want him in a movie, so it’s a pretty sure bet we can rule him out.

Everyone keeps talking up the Riddler and Catwoman, but I don’t see it happening. They just don’t fit into the previous films’ mold. Ra’s al Ghul, Scarecrow, and the Joker all had big plans to change the face of Gotham City, and Riddler and Catwoman have never been that variety of crazy. Catwoman is a burglar, and Riddler is an obsessive-compulsive bank robber. They’re not “Destroy the City” types.

I also think we can rule out Batman’s more fantastical villains, like Mr. Freeze, Killer Croc, and Clayface. I think they’d make pretty interesting villains, but the movies have gone for a more realistic feel, and superscientific freeze guns, crocodilian mutants with superstrength, and amorphous shapeshifting blob-men just don’t fit into the movie’s universe, no matter how cool their stories may be.

I’m not sure that Harley Quinn would work without the Joker, but she might make a believable Joker substitute, with the right tweaks.

Poison Ivy and the Mad Hatter straddle the realistic/unrealistic barrier. With the right adjustments in their origins and powers, they might be workable.

Bane, Hush, and the Ventriloquist would have the right amount of realism on their side. Bane and Hush definitely have their hate on for Batman, and might be willing to hatch city-destroying schemes to get at him. The Ventriloquist has definitely got the craaaaazy workin’ for him, but I don’t know whether you could turn him into the type who wants to wreck large swaths of the city.

My picks, in order of preference? (1) The Ventriloquist — when three of your past four movie villains have been jam-packed with insanity sauce, I think Ventriloquist and his puppet Scarface are cracked enough to fit in just fine; (2) Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn — again, with the right tweaks, I could see them being great, and isn’t it time we saw some good Bat-villains who were female?; (3) Bane — not my favorite villain, but he’s got a good built-in storyline; (4) Hush — another who’s not my favorite, but he makes a pretty good anti-Batman; (5) Mad Hatter — his obsessions with Batman’s cowl and using mind control on Gothamites would be pretty good, but I worry that all the bizarre “Alice in Wonderland” stuff might make him too weird to be useable.

So there are my picks. What are yours?

Batman #678

The Club of Villains is stalking Robin and Nightwing and has attacked Alfred, and there’s nothing Batman can do, because Bruce Wayne has been shot full of crystal meth and heroin and is wandering the streets of Gotham unable to remember who he is. His guide is a homeless man who Batman helped an issue or two ago, but who now appears to have unusual abilities of his own. And by the end, there’s the biggest, weirdest change of costumes I think I’ll ever see.

Verdict: Thumbs up, I think. I really do wish it wasn’t necessary to guess at all the obscure comic references Grant Morrison is dropping on us. (All the “Zur-En-Arrh” stuff is a reference to a Batman story from 1958 where Bats traveled to another planet.) But homeless guys who may not be there, evil mimes, Bat-Mite cameos, and wildly drugged-up stream-of-consciousness Bruce Wayne actually ends up going a long way toward making this work.

1985 #2

Toby has run into the Hulk and the Juggernaut — which is a little weird, since where he’s from, both of them are just comic book characters. Of course, no one believes there are real supervillains around, but the bad guys are tired of being cooped up in that old house, so some of them go out to stir up some mayhem.

Verdict: I’m gonna have to give it a thumbs down. The primary problem here is the art — I know I liked it last issue, but that was one or two normal people and a bunch of supervillains in costume. In this issue, we have several costumed villains, but we have a lot more normals — and it’s really hard to tell one normal person from the next. There need to be some sort of clear identifiers to tell everyone apart, even if it’s just some captions here and there…

It’s the next-to-the-last round of this latest series of FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS! And we all know what that means, right? Yep, only another week of me having to bleach the color out of my comic scans. Huzzah!

Tonight, I’m treating y’all to a coupla panels from January 2007’s Batman/Spirit crossover, by Jeph Loeb and Darwyn Cooke, as the Spirit, dressed in Batman’s cape and cowl, socks the Joker in the breadbasket.

I often find myself shouting “ORK!” when I get socked in the breadbasket. I assume everyone does, right?

 

Batman #677

The latest chapter of the “Batman R.I.P.” storyline is pretty freakin’ weird. Batman is obsessed with the international assassination organization called the Black Glove. The Club of Villains puts evil schemes into motion. The Gotham Gazette plans to run a story claiming that Bruce Wayne’s parents — and Alfred the butler — were degenerate drug fiends. Jezebel Jet suspects Bruce himself may be the Black Glove. Batman has been hypnotized somehow. The Club of Villains has gotten into the Batcave and plans to do some killin’.

Verdict: Thumbs up. It’s almost unstoppably weird and random and baroque and chaotic, and it seems to be awesome. The Club of Villains, by the way, is the best mass supervillain addition I’ve seen added to a comic book universe in years.

 

1985 #1

A bit of high-concept here. Our story is set in 1985 in a non-superhero universe. Toby is a normal kid with divorcing parents and a fascination with comic books. He and his dad happen across an old mansion being renovated by a bunch of out-of-towners who seem oddly familiar to Toby. So what are a bunch of Marvel comic book villains doing hanging out in an old house on the outskirts of a small town?

Verdict: Thumbs up. In places, this one is really pretty spooky. The brief glimpse we get of the Red Skull, peering down from an upstairs window at Toby, is pretty chilling. Dr. Doom is plenty scary. And the big guy who Toby runs into at the end of the issue looks really, really terrifying. I’m not sure where they’re going with this, but I hope it’s all this good.

Batman #676

First, niiiice cover. Ladies and gentleman, former Lubbock resident Alex Ross! Everybody give it up for Alex! Wooo!

Okay, this is the first issue of the new “Batman: R.I.P.” storyline. We get to meet the Black Hand for the first time — it’s basically the opposite version of the Batmen of All Nations from one of Grant Morrison’s previous storylines. We get to see the new version of the Batmobile — it apparently has a great stereo! We get to see Batman give a homeless guy a couple hundred bucks. We see Bruce Wayne hanging out with Jezebel Jet and receiving an ominous invitation from… the Black Glove! Uh-oh! And even worse — we see the Joker, and he’s got very, very nasty plans in store.

Verdict: Thumbs up, with a lot of the thumbs-upping going to that super-scary Joker interlude at the back of the book.

Booster Gold #9

In the new timeline where Maxwell Lord rules the world, Booster and Blue Beetle are re-assembling the old Justice League International, including Mister Miracle, Guy Gardner, Fire, Ice, and the Martian Manhunter. But Guy’s power ring is almost out of power, and Superman is still in Max’s thrall. Is there any way for the good guys to win?

Thumbs up, but I’d really like this particular storyline wrapped up soon.

Gemini #1

An interesting character concept. Gemini is an acrobatic superhero who has no idea he’s a superhero. He’s funded and controlled by a government agency that lets him live as a normal schlub most of the time, activating his superhero persona whenever he’s needed. We get to see him take on some supervillains, vegetate through his boring job, and finally lose his head during a domestic disturbance call. We also get acquainted with the government technicians who help keep him functioning from day to day.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Interesting debut here, let’s see how it all turns out.

Iron Man

I waited ’til yesterday to see the “Iron Man” movie — I hate watching big blockbusters on their first weekend, mostly to avoid the crowds. And I really enjoyed it. Obviously, Robert Downey, Jr.’s performance as Tony Stark is probably one of the best comics-to-screen interpretations of a character ever, right up there with Christopher Reeve’s Superman, Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man, and Ron Perlman’s Hellboy. Jeff Bridges as supervillain/corporate-PR-whiz Obadiah Stane is also great fun to watch — but that’s kind of expected, because Jeff Bridges is a seriously fantastic actor. Gwyneth Paltrow and Terrence Howard are pretty good, but they’re really not that important to the movie. Stan Lee has the best cameo he’s ever had in a movie. The action is good, the superheroics are good, the humor is completely awesome.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Go see this movie, whether or not you like “Iron Man” comics. If you want to see an extra scene with Samuel L. Jackson, stay ’til the end of the credits, but if you wanna skip it, it’s not that important, or that great. Yeah, I went and said it, so there.

Batman #675

Weird issue. Bruce Wayne is dating a woman named Jezebel Jet — someone I’ve never heard of, but apparently, this has been going on for a while. Jezebel is sick of Bruce’s frequent disappearing acts, and she’s ready to call it off. Terrorists led by the Ten-Eyed Man attack and try to kidnap her, and Bruce completely unleashes on them.

Thumbs up, but just barely. The action parts of the story are good. But who the heck is Jezebel Jet, and why haven’t we seen her more often, if she’s really that important?

Green Lantern #30

In the re-telling of Green Lantern’s origin, Abin Sur crashes on Earth and gives former jet pilot Hal Jordan his power ring. Hal saves a crashing plane, he and Carol Ferris make eyes at each other, and we meet Hector Hammond.

Verdict: Thumbs up, but again, just barely. We already know the story of how Hal got his ring, and this re-telling isn’t showing us much that’s either new or interesting. On the other hand, it’s cool to see Hector Hammond before he got his oversized cranium.

Number of the Beast #2

The Paladins are in a panic because they can’t figure out what caused the disappearance of 90% of the city’s population. They suspect that the evil Dr. Sin had something to do with it, but everyone suspects the truth — the Rapture has occurred, and the end of the world is coming. And right on cue, a meteor storm comes up out of nowhere — fire from the heavens. A guy called the Eidolon visits Dr. Sin in the brig and starts telling him that none of this is real, it’s all happened before, someone BIG is coming. And those government agents in their high-tech HQ are up to no good.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Mysteries galore! Weird religious references! Sinister conspiracies! Love it!

 

Captain America #35

The Red Skull and his allies are looking to burn America down from the inside, and the Skull has his best plan ever, involving a host of corporations he secretly owns, politicians and agents who don’t realize he’s controlling them, and a few supervillains here and there to tip the odds. SHIELD is crippled, the president is in danger, and people are rioting in the streets. What can Bucky Barnes, the new Captain America, do to stop the rising chaos? Well, there’s not a lot — a little shield-throwing, a little face-punching, it’s like trying to dam a river with a few stray sticks. But the roots of the conspiracy are beginning to show, and that means Cap can take the fight to the real bad guys. Meanwhile, what’s Arnim Zola got in store for Sharon Carter?

Verdict: Thumbs up. This is probably the best and most devious plan the Red Skull has ever come up with, and I’m enjoying the process Cap is taking to uncovering what’s going on. Sure, a lot of the detective work involves hitting people in the face with an adamantium shield, but that’s just the icing on the cake…

 

Batman #674

Well, Batman has been resuscitated after his heart attack and captured by a maniac wearing a version of his own costume. Still hallucinating a bit, he sees a demonic Bat-Mite and remembers a time when the Gotham police trained three officers to be able to take over as Batman if the real McCoy ever went down. The Bat-Torturer is one of the replacements, either re-activated or driven mad — he shoots Bats in the arm with a crossbow bolt and tries to hack off his hand, but Bats manages to get loose and unleash a little whoop-ass.

Verdict: I don’t really know. Sometimes, I think Grant Morrison is way, way smarter than I’ll ever manage to be. Sure, I could easily keep track of everything he did in “JLA,” but this issue — what with the hallucinations, the weird Bat-secrets I’ve never heard of, the unreliable narrators, I just don’t know.