Archive for Crazy People are Everywhere!

Friday Night Fights: Head Hunting!

You ever had a week so weird and lengthy and stressful that it basically infects everything around it, including the weekends? I’ve had a lot of those lately. Doesn’t mean I’m not still looking forward to the weekends — just means they’re not as relaxing or stress-free as they should be. Doesn’t mean we’re still not gonna kick things off with some Friday Night Fights, though. ‘Cause I definitely need me some weird, weird violence this week.

And we’re going with one of the weirdest comics ever today — Winter 1941’s Big 3 #2, one of the first stories of Stardust the Super-Wizard by Fletcher Hanks. Stardust — he of the impossible musculature and bizarre powers and possibly drug-infused brains — meets up with a villain called De Structo, who has attempted to menace the entire world, just for the sake of random, rotten evil.














Congratulations, Stardust has just given us all some kind of horrible, hallucinatory brain fever. Let’s hope we can sleep through the weekend and it’ll all go away…

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Doctor Doom is on Drugs





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Batman is on Drugs


It’s the only logical explanation.

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The Monsters Are Coming to the Ballot Box

Check out this crazy story:

The Republican Party of Maine has revealed that Democratic State Senate candidate Colleen Lachowicz has a secret life that she’s been hiding from voters. Drug use? A Swiss bank account? No, sadly, even worse: she has a scary-looking World of Warcraft character.

“Colleen Lachowicz spends hundreds of hours playing in her online world Azeroth, as an Orc Assassination Rogue named Santiaga,” reads a flyer sent to voters in the district. It’s identified as funded by the Maine Republican Party.

“I love poisoning and stabbing! It is fun,” the flyer quotes Lachowicz as saying. The candidate is apparently a regular commenter at DailyKos, a liberal blog. And the Maine GOP has mined the site looking for what it regards as damning comments. Most of Lachowicz’s remarks were posted in 2009 or 2010, most likely before she began her current campaign for office.


Lachowicz uses salty language in some of the comments, but someone needs to sit the Maine GOP down and explain the difference between fantasy and reality. Every day, millions of people engage in simulated video game violence without committing any real-world violence. By suggesting a World of Warcraft hobby should disqualify someone for office—and implying that voters are too dumb to tell the difference between virtual and real violence—the party is only embarrassing itself.

I don’t even know where to start with that one.

Obviously, there’s the bizarre equating of playing a game with real life, as if the candidate’s fondness of playing an orc rogue means she really is both a rampaging assassin and an inhuman, green-skinned, fanged monster. That’s just crazy delusional to the point where I question whether they should be allowed to roam outside of the insane asylum, much less running state political parties.

There’s also the way the flyer seems to be trying to say that Lachowicz shouldn’t be in office because she’s — horror of horrors — a NERD. Which is the kind of thing most of us, gamers or not, have been suffering through since junior high. Doesn’t matter if you play video games, read comics, play D&D, or another stereotypically nerdy hobby, or if you’re just a normal person who isn’t a member of the in-crowd, there’s always someone who wants to declare you socially unacceptable and deem you a pariah.

But nerdiness isn’t the horrifying curse we used to think it was. Millions of people play World of Warcraft. Almost 200 million play other online video games. Trying to be the party of the Cool Kids vs. the uncool geeks is a little foolish when the uncool geeks outnumber you, are more mature than you are, and may even be more valuable as consumers.

At any rate, in this case, I’d much rather be the orc.


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The Stupid, It Burns

Seriously, I try to write more positive posts about comics. I mean, I love comics! There’s so much great stuff in comic books, both old and new, and I wish more people read them and took them seriously. I always enjoy this blog more when I can talk about the fun and awesome side of comics.

But holy guacamole, sometimes the Big Two just make it too danged hard to think about comics in a positive way.

Obviously, there’s the bit about Marvel killing off Charles Xavier in the newest issue of their AvX crossover nonsense. I honestly have trouble getting too excited about this one — not because, as the creators said, that Professor Xavier is boring and irrelevant — Cyclops and Emma Frost seem a lot more boring and irrelevant, and they’re the ones who the creators clearly love the stuffings out of — but because it’s been done before. Xavier has been killed off so many times, for all kinds of dumb reasons, and he always gets brought back. Because Charles Xavier is a good character, and the fans like him a lot, and they keep putting him in movies. So of course they’re going to resurrect him in a few months. I’m really more irritated that Marvel thinks everyone should care about yet another pointless character death.

Now something that does make me wanna kick the slats out of certain Marvel creators and editors is this “Avengers Arena” thing where the creators assemble a bunch of good teenaged characters, many of them with big fan followings, many of them coming off of well-received series, and promise to kill most of them off.

In other words, yet another shallow, mostly brainless exercise in cheap bloodletting, once again of teenagers, because apparently, comicsdouche manchildren think it makes ’em look “mature” instead of like the standard comicsdouche manchild.

Everyone knows it’ll probably end with X-23 as the winner. Yeah, even though they’ll “kill” her in the first issue to make everyone think they’re shaking things up.

Interestingly, there’s not a lot of dirt-level stupidity going on right now at DC Comics. Doesn’t mean DC isn’t still winning the Stupid Sweepstakes. After all, the Diane Nelson/Dan DiDio/Geoff Johns/Jim Lee/Bob Harras band of idiots already has amnesiac sex-addict Starfire on their tally, as well as the “Superman will never date Lois Lane” idiocy, which really trumps anything Marvel can do for stupidity.

However, I do want to point you to this excellent post by Siskoid on DC’s astoundingly bad communications and public relations problems. Try to imagine a major media company that has less skill at talking to the public or the media — I doubt you can do it, can you?

And as long as we’re dropping links in here, read this powerful essay by Brandon M. Easton on racism in the comics industry. It’s depressing how common this crap still is, isn’t it?

And that’ll do it for me, at least ’til Friday Night Fights this evening. Let’s everyone cross our fingers and toes and hope I can come up with something positive and uplifting to say next week…

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Leave Me out of Your Stupid Fantasies

I shouldn’t EVEN be talking about this, but it’s been bugging me for days. In the past few days, I’ve been hearing a lot of monumentally stupid stuff, so we’re gonna drag it all out and kick the tar out of it. COME ON, KIDS, IT’LL BE FUN.

From the rightward side of the political aisle, we get people talking about wanting to move to Texas and secede from the union, exemplified by this idiot who makes his living being a moron on the radio:

I would SERIOUSLY consider moving to Texas if it would secede from the union and re-form as The Republic of Texas. It has that power.

There are SO MANY THINGS wrong with that.

First, no, Texas is not able to secede from the union and turn itself into the Republic of Texas. In theory, the state could split itself into five new states (not four, not three, not two, not six, but five exactly), but that’s really never going to happen, because it would be stupid. There’s also nothing in the state constitution or in any laws anywhere that say that Texas can secede from the union. We tried that once, and you might remember how that got resolved. Your side got its ass kicked.

And if I may say, I got no patience whatsoever for scumbags who talk about seceding from the U.S. ‘Round here, that’s what I call treason. I don’t like it when my stupid governor talks about it. I don’t like it when my stupid legislators talk about it. I don’t like it when stupid people on the Internet talk about it. If folks ever wise up and elect me governor or even president, I guarantee there’s gonna be some whupass unleashed on folks who talk smack like that.

And it’s stupid anyway. You love America so much you want to leave it? You’re stupid, and your face is stupid. George Washington, Abe Lincoln, and Ben Franklin are gonna rise from their graves to kick your stupid face in.

So again, angry Republicans who are mad at the world and like to run your mouths without thinking: leave me and my state out of your stupid fantasies.

But wait, I’m not done!

From the leftward side of the political aisle, we get people (no major pundits or politicos, thank goodness, just idjits prattling on blogs and discussion boards) talking about they’re mad at the wingnuts and want all of them to move to Texas and secede.

There are SO MANY THINGS wrong with that.

I mean, come on, lefties, you spend the last few decades talking about improving the world for minorities, for women, for gays, for everyone, and you want to throw out a whole state full of people? Including vast numbers of minorities, women, gays, and just plain American citizens? And you want to give them over to the crazies and wingnuts and moral monsters who live in the fringe right, build a wall on the Oklahoma border, and just shrug it off when the nuts roll things back to the 1600s and start burning people at the stake?

Fer cry-eye, lefties, you want to just hand over the gravesites of LBJ, Molly Ivins, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Selena, Buddy Holly, and SERIOUSLY, do you have any idea how many of your late idols may have plots here? Are you really going to let the New Confederate Neo-Nazi Douchebag Brigade start taking care of those gravesites?!

Really, Texas barely counts as a red state nowadays. The last few elections, we’ve come down in purple territory. You’re talking about disenfranchising people when they’re starting to trend in your direction!

Ultimately, it’s really about as treasonous as the wingnuts who talk secession. Because you’re still talking about throwing perfectly good American citizens out of the country because you don’t like how your opposing party acts. And it’ll never happen because no one’s ever going to let any state secede again, no matter how much you don’t like its citizens. Even talking about it is stupid, and your face is stupid.

So again, angry lefties who are mad at the Texas GOP and like to run your mouths without thinking: leave me and my state out of your stupid fantasies.

In summation: Stupid people on the right and the left: shut up, stop being stupid, leave me and my state out of your stupid fantasies.

And read more Atomic Robo and Yotsuba comics.

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Oh Noez! Superman Renounced His Citizenship!

I’m pretty astonished that anyone cares about this stuff. I mean, fer cryin’ out loud, I don’t care, and I actually read the freakin’ things! I assumed everyone would ignore the publicity stunt and get on with their real lives. Just shows what you get when you assume people won’t go nuts about trivial stuff.

Listen, here’s how y’all should be thinking of this thing. Back in ’93, Superman got killed by a monster from outer space. The same year, Batman got his back broken by Bane. Captain America was shot to death in 2007. And for some reason, none of those characters is dead or crippled any more. Because comics is a business, and sometimes, they try to shake things up by pulling crazy publicity stunts for a few months before putting their characters right back in their old status quo.

In other words, the screaming ninnies may take heart in the fact that in a few months, whenever this latest Superman storyarc is wrapped up, the Man of Steel will be waving the red, white, and blue again. “Truth, Justice, and the American Way” is too important to the character’s core, and DC Comics — a company very firmly locked into never deviating from their status quo — won’t ever give that up. It’s a stunt and nothing more.

And for goodness sake, I certainly hope DC doesn’t chicken out in the face of all the usual impotent Fox News screaming.

See, I think of it this way: The Tea Party is dying a slow and ugly death, ranting new variations of the black helicopter myths and mostly ignored by their preferred political party. Fox News has hitched itself to an aging demographic addicted to constant fits of panic and outrage. The Republican Party is trying to decide which crazy racist it’s going to latch onto as its latest savior.

They’re threatening boycotts now, but they’re toothless threats. The vast majority of those groups never read comics. The vast majority of them never watch summer superhero blockbusters. DC and Warner Bros. can easily afford to wait them out until all the screaming morons get distracted by the next shiny object to catch their eye. Seriously, can anyone really keep track of everything that Fox News attack poodle Megyn Kelly gets offended about? I think her hair got bleached by her own natural bile.

And hopefully, DC will have learned from Marvel’s previous embarrassing example — when you cave in for the screaming morons, you just humiliate yourself.

So if you’re mad about Superman — who’s an illegal immigrant anyway — renouncing his American citizenship, just settle down and forget it — it’ll all be over and forgotten before you know it.

And while we’re at it, please realize how fortunate you are that worrying about the citizenship of a fictional comic book character is the most pressing issue in your life… and maybe, you know, try to find some more valuable thing to spend your time focusing on.

And if you’re DC Comics, come on, guys, get yerself a backbone and don’t sweat the easily-distracted screamers.

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There Are No Super Dogs


More proof that stupid people are everywhere, and that they tend to gravitate toward positions of authority. Multiple people have been convicted and imprisoned for decades because of the “testimony” of a supposedly superpowered (in other words, very well-trained) police dog.

Last weekend, we looked at the case of Bill Dillon, the Brevard County resident imprisoned for 27 years before DNA tests set him free…

At least two other men suffered the same fate — and another shared link: a dog.

Not just any dog. A wonder dog helped convict all three men: a German shepherd named Harass II, who wowed juries with his amazing ability to place suspects at the scenes of crimes.

Harass could supposedly do things no other dog could: tracking scents months later and even across water, according to his handler, John Preston.

Especially depressing: Florida authorities aren’t gonna go to any trouble to let falsely convicted prisoners go. “Hey, it’s not the state’s fault that they were convicted because of false evidence provided by the state, right? That’s someone else’s fault, somewhere, we don’t know who. Just don’t sue us, that’s all we ask. Bad enough that our artificially inflated conviction records don’t look as good, but heaven forfend that we should pay any penalty for monkeywrenching some poor stooge’s life…”

Besides the falsely convicted folks, I gotta admit I feel sorry for the dog. Ain’t his fault his trainer lied about his talents and used him unethically.

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Attack of the Idiot Vampire Goons


There is not a single day that goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars for escaping high school.

Boston Latin School headmaster Lynne Mooney Teta issued a notice to parents and students yesterday quashing rumors of vampires at the school. An odd move for the head of a historic elite preparatory school, but Teta and Boston public school officials declined to elaborate on what triggered the unusual message.

They did, however, adamantly offer assurances that no one at the school has been hurt, arrested – or bitten.

“The headmaster believes that the outrageous rumors had reached a point where she had to say something to families to ensure that all students felt safe and respected,” said Chris Horan, School Department spokesman.

While the episode sounds like something out of “Twilight,” last year’s hit film about a high school girl who falls in love with a vampire, it may be closer to the movie “Mean Girls.”

Two law enforcement officials with knowledge of the incident said a group of girls at the school had been bullying at least one other student who likes to dress in Goth-style, a vampirish look popularized by musician Marilyn Manson. The officials said the girls began spreading a rumor that the student was a vampire who had cut someone’s neck and sucked the blood.

When Boston police went to the school Wednesday on an unrelated matter, their presence fueled yet another rumor: that a vampire was being arrested, according to one of the law enforcement sources.

Okay, point #1: We really should take every kid between the ages of 13-19, put ’em in their own 50-gallon drum, and seal ’em in ’til they hit 19. By then, all the hormonal teenager crazy-juice should’ve worn off. I mean, I’m sure there are a lot of perfectly nice teenagers out there, but for the most part, they’re all crazier than a herd of emus on acid.

Point #2: Lubbock, please, I’m beggin’ ya, ’cause I know someone out there is thinking it, please don’t do anything like this locally. I know it seems like a good vampire hunt would be a fun way to get the loonier churches dancing around in their happy pants, but really, no no no no no no no no NO.

In semi-related news: This is the best, funniest, and rudest summary of Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” book series ever. Go read it so you don’t have to read the books or watch the movies.

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Please be warned: Crazy people who really need to get a proper hobby have decreed that the Black Canary version of Barbie is “filth.”

“Barbie has always been on the tarty side and this is taking it too far,” the Christian Voice is quoted as saying by the tabloid The Sun. “A children’s doll in sexually suggestive clothing is irresponsible — it’s filth.”

In true tabloid fashion, The Sun’s headline reads, “S&M Barbie is lashed by the public.”

I think the following points should be noted:

1. Black Canary actually wears more clothing than Wonder Woman, which I guess means these people think Wondy is a filthy tramp.

2. Black Canary has worn the same general costume as the doll wears since her first appearance in the comics back in 1947.

3. Black Canary actually wears more clothing than the original Barbie back in 1959, which I guess means these people think the original Barbie was also a filthy tramp.

4. Depressingly, these people probably really do think Wonder Woman and Barbie are filthy tramps.

Heck, these are folks who think arctic-weight winter parkas are insufficiently modest, and who will say so, repeatedly and loudly, every time someone points a TV camera at them…

The “Christian Voice” should spend more time working to feed the hungry, nurture the sick, and comfort the afflicted, and a heck of a lot less time moralizing pointlessly about superhero costumes.

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