Well, my children, it’s the end of another thoroughly gruesome week, and one measly weekend just ain’t really gonna settle things down for us. But it’ll help. So let’s celebrate while we can with everyone’s favorite: FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!

Tonight’s battle comes to us from February 1983’s Marvel Two-in-One #96 by Tom DeFalco, Ron Wilson, and Mike Esposito. Ben Grimm is stuck in the hospital after a rough battle, and now a whole bunch of supervillains are on the way to finish him off.

But Marvel’s superheroes aren’t gonna let Aunt Petunia’s favorite nephew down, are they?

That’s a bunch of Marvel’s greatest superheroes beating up on the Rhino, MODOK, and a bunch of Moloids. Not a bad way to kick off the weekend, is it?

**TOOT!**

Marvel’s having its 70th birthday, so it seems like all their comics are including references to their characters from World War II…

Marvel Adventures: The Avengers #37

It’s 1954, and Miss America and Golden Girl have discovered that Captain America, the Sub-Mariner, the Human Torch, and Toro have all gone missing. When the Whizzer (Heh.) disappears before their eyes, they follow him through a time portal to find themselves in the modern day, where the villainous Puppet Master is controlling the Golden Age heroes with plans to send them back to the past to take over the world for him. Wolverine, Spider-Man, and the modern-day Captain America show up to help out, but they’ve got their hands full with just the Whizzer (Heh.) — how are they going to handle it when the Sub-Mariner, Human Torch, and Toro show up?

Verdict: Thumbs up. Dario Brizuela provides a different art style than we’ve usually seen on this comic, but it works out quite well. And Paul Tobin’s dialogue is plenty of fun, especially the way Wolverine keeps making fun of the Whizzer’s name.

Sub-Mariner Comics 70th Anniversary Special #1

We get three different stories about Marvel’s Golden Age bad boy. The first one, written by Roy Thomas his ownself and beautifully illustrated by Mitch Breitweiser, focuses on Namor being tempted to join up with the Germans. The second is a somewhat pulpy story about Namor fighting Nazis with the aid of a female American pilot and a giant squid. But the third is the real prize — Bill Everett’s very first “Sub-Mariner” story from 1939’s Marvel Comics #1, starring a particularly rotten version of Namor killing divers and wrecking a recovery ship.

Verdict: Thumbs up. Three excellent stories — ain’t nothing to complain about.

Miss America Comics 70th Anniversary Special #1

Well, while the character on the cover is blonde, the Miss America in the lead story is very definitely brunette. And she wears glasses. Even in her superhero costume. Definitely makes for a unique look. Most of the action involves Miss America undercover at an American shipyard snooping out some Nazi saboteurs. After that, there are two classic stories starring the Whizzer (Heh.) and a short feature called “Let’s Play Detective.”

Verdict: Thumbs down. I enjoyed the first story alright, but for a character as obscure as Miss America, we should’ve gotten a little background on her — something other than “She’s strong, she flies, she wears glasses, she’s engaged to the Whizzer.” But what killed the fun on this one was the backup stories — they just weren’t interesting or exciting.

Tiny Titans #16

Sidekick Elementary’s PE coach is Lobo, which isn’t quite as cool as having Darkseid as a lunch lady, but it comes close. Anyway, Coach Lobo has decided that the best way to get all the students in shape is to have them race all the way around the world, which really isn’t going to be fair for most of the kids. We also get to meet the Tiny Titan version of Bombshell and Mas y Menos.

In addition to that, we also get this deliriously odd panel:

Mmmm, that’s great non sequitur!

Verdict: Thumbs up. As always, this is just a very, very fun comic. It’s marketed to kids, but I think it’s a good read no matter how old you are.

Marvel Mystery Comics 70th Anniversary Special #1

Another in Marvel’s special comics to commemorate their 70th birthday, this one puts most of its focus on Namor the Sub-Mariner and the Human Torch, and the great rivalry they had during the Golden Age. We also get guest starring roles from Toro, the Angel, and Electro — not the Spider-Man villain, but an old robot hero from the ’40s. They’re all fighting Nazi saboteurs (of course) and a bunch of robots that burn with green flames. Once that’s over, we get treated to some reprints of classic Golden Age stories, including one with the Human Torch and another starring a guy called the Ferret, a detective whose gimmick is a trained ferret. Yeah, no kidding — pet ownership used to be enough to get you a comic book series…

Verdict: Thumbs up. The reprints at the back are pretty silly, but the main story is solid work — good script, excellent art, and I love Namor’s near-constant state of offended rage. It’s really too bad that we don’t see that version of the Sub-Mariner very much anymore.